PAT Platoon and Young Family Problems/Questions

[newmet]

jr2010, you have gotten some good advice here and I fully recommend you let your husband know what has been said here.  His only real option is to speak to his chain of command.  I know someone mentioned the fear of rocking the boat and I know that is a concern.  On course the best person to be is the grey man.  However, with two kids at home and another on the way and the financials not coming in that should be, your husband can't be a grey man.  He can request assistance and when it is sorted out then he can be returned to grey man status.  The staffs doesn't hold things like this against people, your husband just wants to make sure his family is proved what it is due while he is busy with basic.  He should mention this before the field weeks though as it will be almost impossible for his staff to deal with this from the field. 
As for you and what you can do... Do you live near a military base?  If so, contact the MFRC, Military Family Resource Center, they can assist you.  I am not sure what you qualify for as the spouse of a new recruit but they have a list of names of authorized babysitters and other resources. 
Best of luck and keep us posted.

 

[Eye In The Sky]

EITS: I suggest you talk in "real people" talk to this person.  She is not in the military and you just threw about half a dozen acronyms her way!!  It's already confusing enough to try and understand what's going on and we (military folks) are often guilty of forgetting that others don't know all of our jargon!

*seen*...and...good point. 

 

[421_434_226]

Good point on the MFRC, we sometimes forget just how helpful they can be with any luck jr2010 is close enough to a base to receive some assistance if nothing else they can usually provide someone to listen.

 

[vonGarvin]

Personally, I would avoid the MFRC like the plague.  They are a bunch of incompetents who know nothing about what to do.  Stick to the chain of command and
firebomb the closest MFRC to your house NOW before they breed. 

Remember Rule 1: Cardio. 


(Though I jest about firebombing the MFRC, I am NOT joking about avoiding them.  And the system is incompetent. 



Want supporting evidence?  I deployed to Afghanistan as part of a unit out of Petawawa.  I was there on IR.  Wife and kids were in NB.

Around Christmas, the MFRC mailed (via Canada post, not by email to some weird @hotmail account) an invite to my wife to come to the MFRC to meet the PM and
get a free tree.  One small problem, I don't think that the MFRC didn't understand that there are a bunch of kilometres between Enniskillen, NB and Petawawa, ON.


There's more.  But in the end, get in touch with someone from the MILITARY and tell the MFRC to pound salt.

 

[PMedMoe]

I had the same issue when hubby was off on Op Pandemonium.  They left a message for me on the phone at home, in Kingston.  Of course, I was in Ottawa and rarely going back on weekends.  :

Hubby and I always fill out the MFRC form with: DO NOT CALL SPOUSE!

 

[Bzzliteyr]

Personally, I would avoid the MFRC like the plague.  They are a bunch of incompetents who know nothing about what to do.  Stick to the chain of command and
firebomb the closest MFRC to your house NOW before they breed. 

Remember Rule 1: Cardio. 


(Though I jest about firebombing the MFRC, I am NOT joking about avoiding them.  And the system is incompetent. 



Want supporting evidence?  I deployed to Afghanistan as part of a unit out of Petawawa.  I was there on IR.  Wife and kids were in NB.

Around Christmas, the MFRC mailed (via Canada post, not by email to some weird @hotmail account) an invite to my wife to come to the MFRC to meet the PM and
get a free tree.  One small problem, I don't think that the MFRC didn't understand that there are a bunch of kilometres between Enniskillen, NB and Petawawa, ON.


There's more.  But in the end, get in touch with someone from the MILITARY and tell the MFRC to pound salt.

I third that motion.  I was IR in Quebec for my tour in Afghanistan, my "wife" in Oromocto and a dying father in Montreal.  Let me just say the system failed me once my father took a turn for the worse.. and I had to be repatriated.. several days later and he died when I landed in Toronto (after the word got passed from Montreal to Val, to the regt, to Afghanistan, to the base, to the fob, then to me.

I was not happy.  But when shi* hits the fan, they are better than nothing in the event of babysitting and stuff (I am assuming, never having had to use it)

 

[vonGarvin]

I was not happy.  But when shi* hits the fan, they are better than nothing in the event of babysitting and stuff (I am assuming, never having had to use it)

Wrong.  They are worse than nothing.  And I don't mind saying so.

 

[newmet]

I third that motion.  I was IR in Quebec for my tour in Afghanistan, my "wife" in Oromocto and a dying father in Montreal.  Let me just say the system failed me once my father took a turn for the worse.. and I had to be repatriated.. several days later and he died when I landed in Toronto (after the word got passed from Montreal to Val, to the regt, to Afghanistan, to the base, to the fob, then to me.

I was not happy.  But when shi* hits the fan, they are better than nothing in the event of babysitting and stuff (I am assuming, never having had to use it)

I am sorry about the loss of your father and that you weren't able to get home to him in time.  In reality though, did the MFRC have anything to do with your return status and getting you home?  That is a chain of command failure, and military system failure unfortunately.

Technoviking:  Wow, do you ever have some anger towards the MFRC.  The MFRC has it's own purpose and isn't perfect, what in the military is?  As a military wife though it is sometimes nice to know that there is a little place where the spouse can go with problems that won't wreck your spouses career and helps you feel as though you are able to do something. 

I am not a card carrying MFRC supporter, when my hubby was deployed I didn't even bother dealing with them, after the first tour, however, they do have babysitting numbers and services available and seem good, if you are around them and able to go to them or contact them.  Also, they can provide financial support in way of free babysitting, etc.  These programs may be good for jr2010 at this time, let her have her own experiences with them before you scare her away.  I know they are trying to improve the system, maybe they will soon.

 

[PMedMoe]

newmet, I will agree that the MFRC may offer good services to spouses and dependents, however, both my spouse and I are military with no children at home and it drives me nuts to have to clear in/clear out through MFRC or have them sign off on my DAG sheet when I have no use for them at all.

 

[Bzzliteyr]

newmet,

There are many more details but it was a failure in the process of how they pass info on.. the information might have gotten to me faster if they had a better way to communicate with the boys and girls in the sandbox.

Anyhow, I don't have a hatred like Technoviking though.. he's a little out there.. makes me want to gag actually. 

 

[vonGarvin]

Yes, I have anger for the MFRC, not because they are imperfect as an organisation, but because they are incompetent as an organisation.  Utterly useless, IMHO.


This is how I see how useless they are:

FYI, I have complained to the Petawawa MFRC wrt what I felt was crass and incompetent boobery in sending an invite to Enniskillen, NB to attend something in Petawawa, ON.  FYI, my wife thought nothing of checking the address when she told my kids that they were going to meet the PM, CDS, etc.  Then when checking the times, etc, she realised the error, felt like shit and had to apologise for the kids.  And I was overseas in harm's way.  And and and.  Just one more pile of shit she didn't need to deal with.

In dealing with rear parties, however, you know, the military dudes who remain back to help out, no complaints whatsoever from her or me.  Not only did they come and shover out the driveway for her, but brought her licorice as well, when she jokingly asked for some. 


EDIT TO ADD: MFRC (Petawawa) has yet to respond to my complaint, some 12 months after the fact (I got back last April, eg: one year ago about today, when my wife info'd me about their boobery.  I complained both in person and in writing.)


For Buzz:

 

[newmet]

newmet, I will agree that the MFRC may offer good services to spouses and dependents, however, both my spouse and I are military with no children at home and it drives me nuts to have to clear in/clear out through MFRC or have them sign off on my DAG sheet when I have no use for them at all.

Hey PMedMoe;  I know your frustration.  However, when I moved here on IR before the family got posted here I didn't have to sign into the MFRC, it was optional.  I still haven't cleared into the MFRC, hubby did since he moved here with the kidlets.  The DAG was a pain as well here, I leave in less than a week to become part of the frozen chosen but I must admit I had a little laugh when I signed up to have my hubby contacted while I am away again   I have noticed a difference though, when hubby would get deployed I heard from the MFRC once, it was Christmas.  Other than that, 2 deployments, nada, not a call or anything.  So, I boycotted them.  However, I have been away 3 times so far and each time hubby is called routinely to see if he needs anything, be invited to deployed spouses dinners and to be updated on deals that companies are offering military, etc.  For example, he was just called 2 days ago and I guess VIA is offering 60% discounts to military dependents.  Who knew?    Also, there is a new deployed services section forming in the MFRC's that are staffed by military WO's and such that is supposed to better tie the MFRC to the military chain of command to help families. 

Technoviking:  I like your picture   I am sorry you had such a bad time with them and that someone didn't check things out and maybe get a closer MFRC to contact your wife while you were gone.  Sometimes there isn't much thought in some of our organizations.  As for rear parties?  I found them useless, my hubby was deployed when we had a 3 month old and 18 month old at home, through the winter and I didn't hear from them once either.  Another time he was gone and I was newly pregnant and SO sick from it with a 1 year old, I might as well have fallen off the face of the planet for the assistance rear party, in Petawawa or the MFRC gave me.  Fortunately, I am a pretty independent person and can now laugh about the stupidity of both the MFRC and rear parties but things do need to change and are slowly changing.  I would suggest going in to the MFRC and ask to speak to the manager to pass over your concerns, don't go in angry just let them know and maybe they can look at their SOP's.

Bzzliteyr:  I am sorry that the system failed you, maybe with this new military section for the MFRC others won't have to go through what you did.

 

[vonGarvin]

Technoviking:  I like your picture   I am sorry you had such a bad time with them and that someone didn't check things out and maybe get a closer MFRC to contact your wife while you were gone.  Sometimes there isn't much thought in some of our organizations.  As for rear parties?  I found them useless, my hubby was deployed when we had a 3 month old and 18 month old at home, through the winter and I didn't hear from them once either.  Another time he was gone and I was newly pregnant and SO sick from it with a 1 year old, I might as well have fallen off the face of the planet for the assistance rear party, in Petawawa or the MFRC gave me.  Fortunately, I am a pretty independent person and can now laugh about the stupidity of both the MFRC and rear parties but things do need to change and are slowly changing.  I would suggest going in to the MFRC and ask to speak to the manager to pass over your concerns, don't go in angry just let them know and maybe they can look at their SOP's.

The MFRC has lost all credibility in my opinion.  It takes ZERO effort to notice that the address you are writing has NB as a province, vice ON.

I understand that rear parties are all different, and I also realise that my experience was much better than yours.  I have had some "not so good" experiences with various rear parties; however, I have had NO good experiences with ANY MFRC.

At my last DAG, I was clear to them that I wanted them to have no contact with my family, and that I was at their desk simply because I was ordered to by my
chain of command.  Now, they feigned interest in me when I told that that my sister was dying of cancer and that she would probably pass before I returned back
from the tour.  They they asked me questions such as "would you want to return if that happens?"  WTF?  "Uh, no, it's ok.  I have other sisters.  Oh, wait, no I don't
but I DO have other siblings."  Stupid jerks.

In the end, my chain of command was aware of my situation, and I kept them informed as to any changes in the situation.  In the end, my sister passed away  on
29 November 2008, with me at her side (along with the rest of us).  I was there ONLY BECAUSE my chain of command was aware of the ever-changing situation.

For all I know, the MFRC still shows me as being in Kandahar, and with a sister in the hospital.  All this to say, to the original poster of this thread, if you want RESULTS
concerning your situation, then have your husband maintain contact with his chain of command, his "bosses", as it were.  If anyone calls and even mentions MFRC, pretend like you have Tourette's syndrome.  That's my advice, it was free, and worth every penny ;D

 

[Journeyman]

Newmet, you're just going to wear yourself out if you take it upon yourself to apologize individually to all the people who have no use for MFRC. As Robin Williams told Matt Damon in Good Will Hunting, "it's not your fault."   

Technodude, breathe in the through the nose; out through the mouth. Think calming thoughts...like kittens, or butterflies.....or the soothing campfire crackle of a burning village  ;D

 

[vonGarvin]

Newmet, you're just going to wear yourself out if you take it upon yourself to apologize individually to all the people who have no use for MFRC. As Robin Williams told Matt Damon in Good Will Hunting, "it's not your fault."   

Technodude, breathe in the through the nose; out through the mouth. Think calming thoughts...like kittens, or butterflies.....or the soothing campfire crackle of a burning village  ;D

Oh, I'm there!  But I prefer to think of the warm glow (and afterglow) of watching  the effects of the temperature of the sun on Earth:

 

[newmet]

Technoviking:  Like I have said, I am not a card carrying supporter of the MFRC, I am very sorry about the loss of your sister and I am very glad you were able to get home to be with her.  I fully agree, the chain of command is the best way to go.  My chain of command jumped up and helped me with recent problems and was able to delay my deployment and my CO was very understanding and helpful.  It is always best to keep them informed and the chain is what is going to make things move.  If you read back, you may notice that I said that the MFRC is a good way for spouses, who have no chain of command, to be heard, whether anything is done about it who's to say.  Also, they do have small resources available to local dependents, which jr2010 may be.  She may be able to get support through the MFRC, if there is one close by, who knows until you try it, it was a suggestion for another option to try.  But having been on both sides, the spouse and the military member now deploying, I can say I am very grateful to be one of the ones in green with the chain to support me.   

Thanks Journeyman:    I hate to see people hurting and I guess I am still too nice at this point, you would think basic would have cured me of that   As for calming thoughts, I had a good suggestion from my stress management class that fits...Think of a nice forest, with a calm brook with water moving gently down the brook and then imagine the face of the person you are holding under water  >

Ok, I can't even get through typing a response before someone pops back in with another response   Technoviking, I think you're scaring me  ;D  Try the forest thoughts

 

[Bzzliteyr]

At my last DAG, I was clear to them that I wanted them to have no contact with my family, and that I was at their desk simply because I was ordered to by my
chain of command. 

Funny you'd say that.. my wife said the same thing.. if I remember correctly.  The best part was receiving mail at my father's house for HIM from the MFRC after he had passed.. guess the passage of information wasn't done too efficiently.

But I suggest we return to the topic at hand.  How to get jr's family the help they need if they need it.

 

[vonGarvin]

Ok, I can't even get through typing a response before someone pops back in with another response   Technoviking, I think you're scaring me  ;D  Try the forest thoughts

You have to learn to type faster ;D

Here, this is my forest:

;D

As for the original poster to this thread.  For immediate assistance, ANYONE BUT the MFRC.  I mean, short of people like Clifford Olson, of course.  But there MUST be
friends or SOMEONE who can help.  Heck, even a woman's shelter, or call the NDP tell them that you feel harassed that the military has drafted your husband away
and now your Card Carrying Conservative Mother won't let you out.  They'll be there faster than you can say "Order!" in the House of commons!  ;D

 

[newmet]

Oh Technoviking, I can only hope that you are in a trade that allows you to freely express yourself safely  ;D

As for jr2010, I really hope you can get some help and that you husband lets his chain of command know what concerns he has because he can focus better on being there and surviving basic by knowing that you guys are safe and secure.

 

[Bzzliteyr]

Okay, I am just reading back to see if I could try to figure out how a budget might help and I saw this:

"In the mean time I have to find  some things my kids need, a couple of things for the baby because all my stuff is in storage, and I still need to find a few things for myself that I obviously can't live without (feminine things) for after the baby is born."

Is your stuff in storage because the military put it there?  If so, then your husband chose to put it there, right?  I don't know where you live but I do know that some soldiers have been known to frequent food banks in certain municipalities, maybe that's an option?

The frustration is understandable and I have been down that route, kind of.  When I joined I had my pay frozen for the first few years.. I dated my high school sweetheart and she drew welfare until the province officially recognized us as "common law" and then I had to pay for two of us to survive in Quebec City.  Not the easiest thing to do!