How to get family on board

[Roy Harding]

If it makes you feel any better - I'm 49, and my sister is 52 - and she STILL thinks that she's "Mom Minor".  She was (and remained) adamantly opposed to my career choice (she is a granola crunchin' refugee from the '60s) - and yet raised her children to look up to and respect Uncle Roy.  Funny how that works.

As far as engineering being a "male centric" profession - my oldest son is a Mech Eng (civilian) - and from what I can tell, you're right.  He still managed to find a lovely lady to share his life with.

I've said it in other threads, and I'll say it again here - if you're doing what you enjoy doing, have respect for your place in the world, and are generally happy - you will attract people (of both sexes) to you who enjoy what you are doing, have respect for your place in the world - and are generally happy to be around you.

Best of luck to you - cut your sister some slack - and don't let her get under your skin (or make your life decisions for you).

Roy

 

[Michael OLeary]

Yeah, that's good and all, but are any of the engineers? There are certain stereotypes about the kind of guy (yes, that is a deliberate choice of words) that the profession attracts, and I unfortunately fit a good amount of those stereotypes when it comes to social skills.

Lacking social graces?  Have you ever met a submariner? 

 

[gcclarke]

Yeah, that's good and all, but are any of the engineers? There are certain stereotypes about the kind of guy (yes, that is a deliberate choice of words) that the profession attracts, and I unfortunately fit a good amount of those stereotypes when it comes to social skills.

I'm a naval engineering officer, and a lot of my friends are naval engineering officers. While there are a few of my compatriots who have indeed been unlucky in love, I wouldn't say it is any more so than would have happened otherwise. In fact, the ratio of those non-single to single is a heck of a lot higher than I saw in school. And yes, many of those people I am talking about do also fit the typical engineering stereotype, yours truly included.

I think the fact that we do out training on the east coast vice west is a bonus in this regard, as it definitely seems easier to attract female companionship in Halifax than it is in Victoria. I'd say that, with regards to the opinions of the locals, being in the military is a bonus on the East Coast, and a negative on the West Coast. Of course, this is a gross stereotype, and your mileage may vary.

As for the idea of not being to find a girl because the military is "made up only of men", well, A) That's false, but B) I advise against forming relationships with those also in the navy anyways. One half sailing puts enough stress on a relationship. With the both of you going to sea, well, that's tough, especially if the idea of kids is on the horizon. There are certainly those who manage to make it work, but if you're actively seeking a girl, I'd suggest trying lavalife before the mess.

Plus, the last thing you want is to have to be stuck on a deployment with an ex when the breakup wasn't at all amicable. I know at least one pair that's happened to.

 

[aesop081]

it definitely seems easier to attract female companionship in Halifax than it is in Victoria.

The 2 largest female demographics in Victoria :

Newlywed and nearly dead.........

 

[Bianca]

Just a little update... ended up telling my dad on Sunday night before I headed back to Ottawa. I think he was kind of in shock. But, he did say it sounds like a great job (Comm Rsch Op.) I may have left out information such as that I would love to be deployed, etc, because he was stunned as it is.

His only real comment was that it seemed 'radical,' but I can understand his point of view as all his nieces are hairdressers, massage therapists, manicurists... so yeah, kind of radical in that sense.

It just feels a lot better to have gotten it off my chest!

Once again, thanks for all the advice/support from you all.

 

[Roy Harding]

Just a little update... ended up telling my dad on Sunday night before I headed back to Ottawa. I think he was kind of in shock. But, he did say it sounds like a great job (Comm Rsch Op.) I may have left out information such as that I would love to be deployed, etc, because he was stunned as it is.

His only real comment was that it seemed 'radical,' but I can understand his point of view as all his nieces are hairdressers, massage therapists, manicurists... so yeah, kind of radical in that sense.

It just feels a lot better to have gotten it off my chest!

Once again, thanks for all the advice/support from you all.

Good on ya', Bianca.

It sounds to me like you and your Father love each other.  He's doing his best to accept your decision, and you're doing your best not to shock him too much all at once.

Best of luck to you.


Roy

 

[a.eddy]

I recently let my parents know I was interested in joining the CF.

They were, of course, a little concerned. It's not that they have anything against the Forces, but it is a dangerous job.

They began to ask me why I wanted to join, and I found that I had trouble explaining. I answered that I want to serve my country, I want a rewarding job, I want job security. These answers sounded vague and impersonal though, considering I was talking to my folks.

My question is, how did your parents respond when you expressed a desire to join?

 

[Kat Stevens]

My Dad- "Any possibility you could leave for basic sooner?"

 

[a.eddy]

Haha

I guess my parents are quite protective

 

[BlueJingo]

I had to tell my parents separately. My mother was quite supportive, she took me to some of the appointments for the recruiting process...

I told my dad after I joined, it was more difficult to tell him and his side of the family seeing as they escaped from a military dictatorship. Trying to explain how our military was different and everything was difficult. My grandfather still gets a little hesitant when he sees me in my uniform, so I have to be careful.

So there is 2 sides....

 

[readytogo]

Surely there are people out there who have joined a little bit later in life and maybe already have a good job that pays well??? The more i think about it the more i want to join full time but would have to take a fairly signifigant pay cut and obviously be away from my wife and children for some signifigant amount of time

    My question is...has anyone else experienced this and how did they go about getting thier family onboard ?  i believe with my whole heart that this is something i was meant to do but am torn because of my family???

Thoughts and or comments???

 

[gcclarke]

Do your research about all the pros and cons of the idea and then talk to them about it?

 

[Fishbone Jones]

Thoughts and or comments???

Yes. Do a search, starting in the Recruiting Forum. Your questions have been covered rather extensively already. Then read the Site Guidelines before posting again.

Milnet.ca Staff

 

[Jed]

readytogo

I have been there and done that. What are you really wanting to know?

Is signing on the dotted line really something you personally want to do regardless of the upheaval to the family and to a significant loss of income? Than do it.

I can tell you that it will stress your family and yourself out over time every bit as intensely as doing a tour.

For me personally, I do not regret my decision one bit, despite the significant upheaval and family stress that resulted from my action.

This decision can only be made by you. Try very hard to know why you are making it and what you are prepared to give up to accomplish your aim.


Jed

 

[pbodder]

Well, I am still in the process of joining, however I have found myself in more or less the same situation.
I have worked across the country previously, for periods up to 3 months - having no scheduled time to come home. Wife's thoughts: Not. Cool.
So, after speaking about it with my wife and kids, I decided that the route I would take is through the Reserves. For me and my situation, this was the best option. I can see if I would enjoy doing the work full time, get a good understanding of what is expected from Regular members, and jump across if we so decide.
If I were 20 again, there would be no question, but I recognise the fact that my actions can deeply affect others, so my only point to you is that your family is fully aware of the choices. If possible, have your family take down questions, and see if your recruiter can answer them for you. Maybe you can ask your recruiter to talk with your family to assist them with questions? Just an idea.

 

[readytogo]

great thoughts ...thank you all very much

 

[Nuggs]

Surely there are people out there who have joined a little bit later in life and maybe already have a good job that pays well??? The more i think about it the more i want to join full time but would have to take a fairly signifigant pay cut and obviously be away from my wife and children for some signifigant amount of time

    My question is...has anyone else experienced this and how did they go about getting thier family onboard ?  i believe with my whole heart that this is something i was meant to do but am torn because of my family???

Thoughts and or comments???

I joined at 30, took a 20k pay cut to join, and so far have spent 15 months (give or take a little LTA) away from the family for training.

I won't lie to you, yeah its tough, but its definetly worth it. If your relationship can make it through it, it can likely make it through anything.

If you do go through with it make sure they have all of the information and options you can provide them before you leave (Will, Power of Attorney, Contact info and account numbers of debtors, etc etc etc), as you will have limited abilities to help them square things off from thousands of kilometers away.

As gcclarke suggested talk to your spouse and kids about it. Its really a decision that needs to be made as a family. Truthfully, I wouldn't try and talk them into it if they are deadset against it, it might end up in disaster relationship wise.

 

[Alea]

Hi readytogo,

Surely there are people out there who have joined a little bit later in life and maybe already have a good job that pays well???

There are indeed. If you search a little on this forum you'll soon find out who they are and you might send them a personal message and ask them to share with you the do's and don'ts from their own experiences.

The more i think about it the more i want to join full time but would have to take a fairly significant pay cut

I'm in the process of joining myself. I will have a significant cut in my incomes for the first 4 years. It's a choice I made. It is very personal to everyone so really, I don't think people on here can give much advices on what to do with this. It is a sacrifice that only and your family can decide to make or not.

and obviously be away from my wife and children for some signifigant amount of time

Sure you will. Like every other soldier. It also depends a lot on the trade you choose. But in all, yes, you will be away from your family quit a bit. This is something that you really should talk about with your wife.
I also want to tell you that a lot of people are married in the CF and have children. It is just another way of life. Not saying it is easy, just saying it does exist and does work. Some of the people on this forum have been married for 10, 15, 20 years and have a wife/husband and kids.

    My question is...has anyone else experienced this and how did they go about getting thier family onboard ?  i believe with my whole heart that this is something i was meant to do but am torn because of my family???

Again, really search the forum to find the ones who went through the same and will share their experience with you


Take care,
Alea

 

[CanadianProud]

Last year i filled out my applicatin and handed it into the unit near my house. I was shortly after devasted with a death in the family and my chance to join the army slowly slipped away. Now a Year later im back into the mindset of joining. I've been hunting with my old man since i was tiny, and am a damn good shot. Guns to me and like breathing and shooting is like walking. Since i could read ive been nose deep into anything war related and have always in the back of mind wanting to be a canadian soldier  ;D.

Now my parents both know that im into guns and the marksmen lifestyle; Ive been awarded with championship titles for my long range shot abilities and at the age of 21 i can make shots that people double my age can make. Another reason why i wanna join, to be the next sniper record holder  :.


heres my dilemma. Parents don't agree with my decision. Their response is as simple as "Your going to die if you go  ??? ". This really upsets me, because the way they act its like im different from every one of you who have joined up for your reason, like they think im too good to go and defend my country and whats right. Im afraid if i just make the decision to leave il be left in the mud without my family and that they wont support my decisions to join. The way i look at it, they dont support my choice they dont care about me enough. Has anybody expeirenced the same thing i am, with the family telling you that joining is a bad choice.  ???


i appreciate the input i just dont know what to tell them to make them see why i wanna join and from my perspective with out them thinking their just going to lose there only son.

thanks mates.

 

[fischer10]

Last year i filled out my applicatin and handed it into the unit near my house. I was shortly after devasted with a death in the family and my chance to join the army slowly slipped away. Now a Year later im back into the mindset of joining. I've been hunting with my old man since i was tiny, and am a damn good shot. Guns to me and like breathing and shooting is like walking. Since i could read ive been nose deep into anything war related and have always in the back of mind wanting to be a canadian soldier  ;D.

Now my parents both know that im into guns and the marksmen lifestyle; Ive been awarded with championship titles for my long range shot abilities and at the age of 21 i can make shots that people double my age can make. Another reason why i wanna join, to be the next sniper record holder  :.


heres my dilemma. Parents don't agree with my decision. Their response is as simple as "Your going to die if you go  ??? ". This really upsets me, because the way they act its like im different from every one of you who have joined up for your reason, like they think im too good to go and defend my country and whats right. Im afraid if i just make the decision to leave il be left in the mud without my family and that they wont support my decisions to join. The way i look at it, they dont support my choice they dont care about me enough. Has anybody expeirenced the same thing i am, with the family telling you that joining is a bad choice.  ???


i appreciate the input i just dont know what to tell them to make them see why i wanna join and from my perspective with out them thinking their just going to lose there only son.

thanks mates.

Do what you want, not what others want. I got the whole run down of "He's suicidal/wants to die/going to die/throwing his life away" and so on. There are endless possibilities through the military and from what I have seen here, it is a great life style/job. Go read some peoples stories on joining at 30-40 and how it has ate at them for not joining sooner! If you really want to join, then do it. Parents will support you no matter what (Well, should anyway haha).

Infantry is closed right now and will be until March 2011 (last post I read said this), so you have some waiting to do and can use that time to show your parents what the CF is

Good luck...and read the thread that your post was moved to too lol.

EDIT: Spelling