How to get family on board

[scottyeH?]

It's your choice. Your an adult and you have to make your OWN choices. Tell your dad you have different dreams and ambitions then he does. Explain to him the wide variety of oppunties and how many doors the military opens...even if he doesn't agree, he doesn't run your life, and you can't hide in your dad's shadows all your life. Make your own decisions, he will get over it no matter what you do.

I'm just lucky coming from my family with my dad servicing in policing for 26years, he actually wanted me to join the army, rather then doing a civvies job.

Anyways, that's what I think...

Goodluck.

 

[RossF]

Besides won't you be 18 when you graduate high school? So if you want to join then join.  

^^ There you go.

 

[Island Ryhno]

Not directly related to the military per se, but.... For the past 30 years or so the baby boomers have been literally forcing their offspring into university so they can have "the good life" you know, a degree in Poli Sci, a $50,000 student loan, a $30,000 per year job, ah the good life! Now there is such a shortage of skilled tradespeople out there that employers are practically begging people to get into trades. I saw a news interview with a female millwright in Ontario who was making....$100,000 + per year, with no student loans! I know a lot of welders who paid $1000 for their course and started out making $30,000 and worked up to $65,000 + per year in 4 years. I think the idea that you have to go to university to get ahead in life is very dated, why don't you ask your dad if he would prefer A) 4 years in the forces as an NCM making $50,000 per year with NO student debt or B) 4 years of Uni, with a B.A., $50,000 student loan and a great job...at the library. I'm not knocking university, I've been there, done that and got the t-shirt(mostly pub crawl ones but hey) It makes for a well rounded person. However it is one choice in a very large number of choices out there right now.

 

[Hunter911]

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and assume your trying to join the Reserve.. or thats what I'm trying to do as it would be a huge help applying to RMC. I think if your trying to convice your dad to give you a bit more slack, try to make him understand that when you get in, you'll be living by their rules, not only his... and thats what brought mine around... Mine had mostly the same expectations for me

 

[BDTyre]

I met a nice Sergeant who gave me some excellent advice.  While making small talk, he asked if I was going on course this summer.  I told him no, I have school until the end of July.  The usual response is, "Okay, we'll get everything sorted out for you."  However, this Sergeant told me that it was good I had decided to see my semester through, and that school should always be the number one priority and I shouldn't let the reserves interfere just because it can get me out of class.

He then proceeded to explain that there are many guys in the military (himself included) who never went to university because they were getting decent pay, having unique experiences and were in a challenging and rewarding job.  But when they got older, many of them -while not regretting their decision- wished they had gone to school because whenever they leave the military, there might not be much else for them.

Again, it didn't seem like the Sergeant was implying he had made a bad choice, or that he was discouraging me from anything.  But to be honest, I would suggest some form of higher education, be it university and a BA or BB or BSc, or a trades school so you can learn a profession.

You can't do much with just a high school diploma unfortunately.  Of course...the way things are going, you can't do much with just a BA either.  ;D

 

[FITSUMO]

your father is from a generation where the army did not have a good rep, they were paid crap and lived horrible.  I am going through this right now with my father, I did not ask permission, but wanted his advice.  I had to sit down with all the facts and show him that this is not the same army of yesteryear.  I have been in high tech for the last 11 years, I have seen the ups and downs, and I am going back to the army.  After I showed him the pay scale and the benifits his attitude changed.  Getting a degree is a good thing, but it does not open the door to the 50k+ a year job and the "good life"( like it did when "dads" were going into the job market).  Here are some good points to make with him.  Pension( not as popular with employeers now-a-days), job security( I work high tech in ottawa and there have been @ 40000 layoffs in the past 4 years( yes you are reading that number correctly).  Contracting is the new thing( not long term work).  The Forces is a place that you can advance( if you work at it), you get a pension, you learn "work ethic"( one of the biggest things I look for in a new hire is past time in), you belong to a group that for the most part look after each other( this is not the case in todays civvie work place).  he is coming from the right place but bring him the facts, and ask him why he has these point of views, you can communicate much better with someone when you understand where they are coming from.  he may say things that do not fit with your view, stay cool listen and then answer.

cheers

 

[canadianblue]

Well what I don't get is why parents treat the forces like its so bad, I mean sometimes it seems they would rather have their children in porn then in the army. While my parents weren't extremely pleased that I was going, I didn't give a care, and I told them my reason and that was it. I'm not gonna give up any of my aspirations, and I don't think you should either. If your parents abandon you because you want to serve under the Canadian flag, then thats their choice.

Thats my .02 cents

 

[Pieman]

Not directly related to the military per se, but.... For the past 30 years or so the baby boomers have been literally forcing their offspring into university so they can have "the good life" you know, a degree in Poli Sci, a $50,000 student loan, a $30,000 per year job, ah the good life!

Getting a degree is a good thing, but it does not open the door to the 50k+ a year job and the "good life"( like it did when "dads" were going into the job market).

People have to be smarter about what they study in University, and why. Most Arts degrees will get you a nice job pushing papers in some bureaucratic office. Other degrees, you will see the earning potential you would expect from all that education...in the field you studied in, no less.   It boils down to taking roads less travelled IMHO.

The down side of trades is that they are somewhat inflexible in what you can do with them.

Ultimately, most parents don't understand the earning potential in the Military, and the ability to grow and move into new areas. If you sign up in Armour, it is not like you are going to be driving a tank for the rest of your life. You will climb the ranks, get better pay, take on different responsibilities. My father was unconvinced it was a good idea until I laid out the pay, earning potential, and career path choices.

 

[rmc_wannabe]

Thank you all for the great advice and i really truly appreciate it. I think it would be best if i took him down to CFRC and let him get the information straight from the horse's mouth. Failing that, I'm probably going to let him talk to my friends father who happens to be an officer in the QOR.
Thanks once again

 

[scottyeH?]

Well what I don't get is why parents treat the forces like its so bad, I mean sometimes it seems they would rather have their children in porn then in the army.

I'm pretty sure, they don't want you to do porn either But anyway's I know what you mean. A lot of parents these days, think there is much more out there then military...parents just want to make sure you use all of your potential that you have, some think the military is using very minimum potential. when they have no idea what it's about.

The stereotype I hope doesn't last much longer, but it will.

Give your parents some info. Make you OWN choice and move on. If your family "disowns" you because you join the army. They aren't good parents at all.

 

[Fry]

Yeah, my little brother is thinking about joining, so he's gotta try to convince our parents lol. I made the decision when I was almost 20 to apply, so no problems there. As for the university bit... I don't like it at all. I did 2 years, got many t-shirts, most through the same means as Island Ryhno, lol... There are many trades indeed. I think it's just that in school, well mine anyways, they hype up university so much, that you almost feel obligated to go. Personally, I think it's a money racket.  If although you do want to go, why wouldn't anyone want to go thru the forces and get it paid for? Plus, if you decide to leave the forces, any service time looks great on a resume.

 

[Fishbone Jones]

Bottom line is that it's your decision. You'll be an adult and it won't be the last tough one you'll have to make. Family is great, but you can't let them stand in the way of your life or happiness. I know a person that became professional engineer because it's "what the family wanted". Now he drives truck and couldn't be happier. It's a hard decision, but if you join, it won't be the last one you make. Down the line, lives may depend on how you perceive, analyse and decide on things. Start now, and it gets easier. Dad won't be with you on the two way range to tell you what to do. He may be disappointed for awhile, but in the end he'll likely be proud and respect you a little more for following your own path. Do what YOUR heart tells you.

 

[rmc_wannabe]

Bottom line is that it's your decision. You'll be an adult and it won't be the last tough one you'll have to make. Family is great, but you can't let them stand in the way of your life or happiness. I know a person that became professional engineer because it's "what the family wanted". Now he drives truck and couldn't be happier. It's a hard decision, but if you join, it won't be the last one you make. Down the line, lives may depend on how you perceive, analyse and decide on things. Start now, and it gets easier. Dad won't be with you on the two way range to tell you what to do. He may be disappointed for awhile, but in the end he'll likely be proud and respect you a little more for following your own path. Do what YOUR heart tells you.

Thats the best advice i've gotten so far. That really puts things into perspective. Don't get me wrong, plan A is still going through(trying to convince him), but now i'm just gonna go for it no matter what.

 

[ericM]

my dad was in the canadian airborne regiment so when I went to join up i got alot of support, pretty much he just suggested to me not to go infantry because there aren't many employment opportunities for it once you get out, so i applied for sig op.

but if they were disagreeing and trying to tell me what trade to do and other shit, like threatening to disown me if i didn't become a clerk, at that point i'd just break free and do what i want... you're joining the army for you, so do what you do for you not them

 

[san]

your father is from a generation where the army did not have a good rep, they were paid crap and lived horrible.   I am going through this right now with my father, I did not ask permission, but wanted his advice.   I had to sit down with all the facts and show him that this is not the same army of yesteryear.   I have been in high tech for the last 11 years, I have seen the ups and downs, and I am going back to the army.   After I showed him the pay scale and the benifits his attitude changed.   Getting a degree is a good thing, but it does not open the door to the 50k+ a year job and the "good life"( like it did when "dads" were going into the job market).   Here are some good points to make with him.   Pension( not as popular with employeers now-a-days), job security( I work high tech in ottawa and there have been @ 40000 layoffs in the past 4 years( yes you are reading that number correctly).   Contracting is the new thing( not long term work).   The Forces is a place that you can advance( if you work at it), you get a pension, you learn "work ethic"( one of the biggest things I look for in a new hire is past time in), you belong to a group that for the most part look after each other( this is not the case in todays civvie work place).    he is coming from the right place but bring him the facts, and ask him why he has these point of views, you can communicate much better with someone when you understand where they are coming from.   he may say things that do not fit with your view, stay cool listen and then answer.

cheers

FITSUMO!!!!!!  This is EXACTLY the reason I left the high tech field of IT in 2000.  I am now employed with a company where I have job security, pension, and opportunity.  After 5 years though, I am with the same company but now employed in an IT type position.

As for RMC-Wannabe's question .... Ultimately it is your choice (as many others have already said), but keep in mind .... things ALWAYS change!  You may be set on something right now and change your mind later.  I spent my time in the Reserves instead of joining the Regs and earned enough money to pay for my education.  No student loan, a ton of new friends, a rewarding experience and new skills that I use in civie life.  My experiences have only helped with my career progression.  I continue to upgrade my skills through continuing education.

Whatever decision you make ... no regrets, only learning experiences!

Cheers,

san

 

[Manimal]

at the end of your life, you're going to look back, and think, i'm glad i did it my way, mistake or not.....you're parents don't have to live with your mistakes or your victories...YOU DO. live your life. they will grow to respect what you do, if you do what is right for you.

 

[FITSUMO]

"at the end of your life, you're going to look back, and think, i'm glad i did it my way, mistake or not.....you're parents don't have to live with your mistakes or your victories...YOU DO. live your life. they will grow to respect what you do, if you do what is right for you."

well said.

 

[rmc_wannabe]

at the end of your life, you're going to look back, and think, i'm glad i did it my way, mistake or not.....you're parents don't have to live with your mistakes or your victories...YOU DO. live your life. they will grow to respect what you do, if you do what is right for you.

I'm starting to come to that realization. I'm just gonna go for it. Thanks, thats a POV i never really considered.

 

[Manimal]

ON THE OTHER HAND lol

a few years ago, i wanted to join the army. i really wanted too. then my fiance at the time, put her foot down. and other friends begged me not to go, they just had a bad feeling about it. then 9/11 happened. it didn't stop my wanting to join, but at the point i was in college. maybe they were right, and it wasn't the time, i'm in a good place now, and i'm going for PRes, and i'm sure this is the right place for me now. but i'm still following my heart, and i'm not disappointed at my delay in getting in, but it's time to stop wasting time. maybe your parents were write to try to put you off, but it's only a test to see how much you really want to be there. the point is maybe unclear, but don't let anything stand in your way. (my fiance left me, took a lot of my money/stuff, and in the end only crushed more of my dreams she was only scared) and your parents are only scared.

 

[rmc_wannabe]

ON THE OTHER HAND lol

a few years ago, i wanted to join the army. i really wanted too. then my fiance at the time, put her foot down. and other friends begged me not to go, they just had a bad feeling about it. then 9/11 happened. it didn't stop my wanting to join, but at the point i was in college. maybe they were right, and it wasn't the time, i'm in a good place now, and i'm going for PRes, and i'm sure this is the right place for me now. but i'm still following my heart, and i'm not disappointed at my delay in getting in, but it's time to stop wasting time. maybe your parents were write to try to put you off, but it's only a test to see how much you really want to be there. the point is maybe unclear, but don't let anything stand in your way. (my fiance left me, took a lot of my money/stuff, and in the end only crushed more of my dreams she was only scared) and your parents are only scared.

Fair enough lol. I think this will take some time to figure out a little more in depth. I have time, and i think it best to ponder this for a bit longer.

btw, sorry to hear about your ex leaving you...tough break man. :-\