How to get family on board

[Garbageman]

My apologies, I may have jumped the gun a bit with my earlier comment.

However, if Canada were ever stretched to the point where we needed to start employing reservists as regular soldiers, it would be quite probable that younger troops would still be employed, just likely in a domestic role back-filling for someone else who is being deployed.

The long and the short of it is, don't join the CF if you aren't comfortable with the terms of service.  Reservists are CF members, and as such are obliged to many of the same responsibilities as regular members.  Yes, it is highly unlikely that we as a nation will be heading off to a full-scale war any time soon, but we thought the same thing in the 1930s.

 

[QORvanweert]

That was my assumptions getting the best of me again.   I assumed that as long as you were on a reserve and had completed your training, that you were a soldier.



So then there is a ppossibility..so small that it probably won't ever happen, but it's still there.

Ok, if Canada was involved in an extremely long and protracted war for several decades and the general population consisted entirely of 17 year old males, then I am sure that you would be thrown into the fighting, however you will be 18 in the reg. force by the timeyou finish your training and will be late 17 in the reserves... so, either way, the wait wouldn't be much longer, plus 6 months of pre-deployment training might bump you up to 18

 

[dq6t9]

hey it doesnt matter what people think go for it... you'll go far.
trust me i no
GOOD LUCK

 

[amber78]

I've read the threads people have posted on similar situations but i was wondering if anyone has been through something close to what I will be going through.

I am a female, only child. I have very protective parents who have protected me all of my life. I am now 27 and have wanted to join the military for 10 years.

My first attempt at telling my parents I was "considering" joining the military went horribly bad as they acted like little children and were angry at me for hours. I dropped the subject and it has taken 2 years since then to get up the nerve to decide to tell them I am joining and they have no say in wether or not I do.

I want them to support me and it breaks my heart to think I might break theirs by doing something they don't want me to do. I see joining as an opportunity.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can tell them this news. I have all information on the process of enlisting to benefits, the opportunity of continuing education to printouts of the trades I am interested in, (which by the way are mainly support trades).

If any of the senior members of this board could even say a couple words of wisdom I can even print out the responses and show them.

Thanks very much.

p.s. i dont know if anyone watched the ve parade in holland but that was pretty impressive. =)

 

[civvy3840]

I'm not a senior member but... Why don't you do all your testing and stuff first then tell them that you are joining the military and all you have to do is wait for BMQ.

That's what I'd do anyway.

 

[Ex-Dragoon]

I would suggest Amber you sit down and tell them why you want to join and what you would like to do in the CF. Parents will naturally worry about their children but you are 27 and an adult they have to let you go and live your own life. Children make mistakes, they have to accept that, they also have to recognize they were children at one time as well and I have no doubts that they made decisions that their own parents were not impressed by. This is your future not theirs. Get ready for the hysterics that they showed the first time but be strong and suck it up. Once they see your resolve and recognize they cannot talk you out of it they should come around.

 

[Ex-Dragoon]

I'm not a senior member but... Why don't you do all your testing and stuff first then tell them that you are joining the military and all you have to do is wait for BMQ.

That's what I'd do anyway.

Not everybody likes to be deceptive and underhanded with the people they love.

 

[civvy3840]

Not everybody likes to be deceptive and underhanded with the people they love.

True... I saw the same thing in another post and someone else recommended it so I figured I would pass that bit of advice to her.

 

[sgt_mandal]

An old thread I made.....if you havn't seen it yet, it might help

http://army.ca/forums/threads/13678.0

 

[Swin435]

I would suggest Amber you sit down and tell them why you want to join and what you would like to do in the CF. Parents will naturally worry about their children but you are 27 and an adult they have to let you go and live your own life. Children make mistakes, they have to accept that, they also have to recognize they were children at one time as well and I have no doubts that they made decisions that their own parents were not impressed by. This is your future not theirs. Get ready for the hysterics that they showed the first time but be strong and suck it up. Once they see your resolve and recognize they cannot talk you out of it they should come around.

I agree with Ex-Dragoon on this one Amber.  If there is a military unit that is close by, you could try taking them and showing them a little of what the life is like.  Most places will be more than happy to take someone on a tour and help them understand.  If there isn't you, maybe there is a recruiting office close that you could go to, to pretty much do the same.

Take it from me, it took my mom a couple of years to get used to the idea of me being in.  She didn't understand and I didn't take the time to educate her on the life.

Do remember that they are only worried about you, they only want what's best for you.  It is your job to convince them, that this is right for you.  At least for right now. Good luck.  I hope it all works out for you

 

[prom]

well amber i have to say this to you, im 25 and ive wanted to join the CF since I was a weeee little boy. The attitude that exists with in my family as like yours is rather hostile towards my joining the CF. The main reason being that my uncled Died when i was 6 or 7 in a training accident in gagetown, sooooo there is some hesitation to say the least for my joining. I attempted several years ago to make my case, as like you so strong it would have scared the enemy back into their mothers womb's. however after several years of trial and error within the workforce and post secondary schooling (university, colleges, etc.) i found myself facing the same choice that i made when i graduated High School, I want more then anything to become a member of the CF, and serve my country to my best. So i researched everything that i could find on the CF, about possible trades, training locations, benifits/pay etc. after a few nights of searching i contacted my RC and got a full CF package and i went to my parents and told them that we need to have a talk, and i started out telling them how discouraged that i have been over the last several years, not being able to find myself so to speak. told them of how much that their support in the past has meant to me and how that i count on it in the future. and then i proceeded to tell them about my feeling toward serving in the army and how that it has been my lifes dream to do this, and that i really need their support as it will be such a hard time that i dont know if i could do it with out their support. I went on to tell them that i would go for it regardless, but I would rather to have them working with me to help me get through everything. I went over some of the info that i had found on St. Jean, and the BMQ, and such, showed them all that i was given by my RC, and encouraged them to look over everything and to check out the recruiting website on their own to get more info. 2 days later my parents came to talk to me and said that they had went through everything and want to know what date they should book their hotel for my graduation from BMQ. LOL they told me that they were very proud of me and that i should know that they will always support me and if something meant this much to me for them to stand in my way would be fool hardy and they willl do anything they can to help me attain my dream of serving in the Army.

I hope my situation has helped you out amber, if there is anything that i can do to help you out please dont be afraid to ask

Prom

 

[kincanucks]

For crying out loud!! and I thought I had seen everything on this site.  27 years old?  Don't get too upset but get some backbone because you might need it if you make it past the selection process.  Good luck.

 

[Paish]

For crying out loud!! and I thought I had seen everything on this site.   27 years old?   Don't get too upset but get some backbone because you might need it if you make it past the selection process.   Good luck.

Good ol Kincanucks i knew you wouldnt dissapoint! But yeah, your 27 years old so i would suggest you start doing things for your life and not your parents!

 

[Bert]

Parents always hold some fear for their children.  In respect to a possible military career, the parents
may fear the loss of closeness with the sibling, fear of danger in a military career, fear the sibling
may not succeed and risk loosing time, money, or investment as examples.  You'll likely have to
understand (or you may already) the nature of their fear.

At a more mature age, one may have more understanding of their own motivations.  A military
career provides education and experience, medical/dental benefits, a solid pay structure,
incentives, good vacation, and most trades/specializations leads into civilian life quite well.
This kind of employment can't be provided through most civilian streams.  There are draw-backs
to military life, but I doubt that is the heart of the matter.

Good luck.

 

[Bert]

Obviously, Kincanucks doesn't have Italian, Dutch, or Oriental parents from the old country. 

 

[Britney Spears]

Why don't you guys read the OP before dogpiling on her? It is clear that Amber has already made the decision for herself, that's not her problem, her problem is how to get her parents see eye to eye with her. Telling the OP to "grow a backbone" does not solve the problem.

Having said that, here's a little cognative stance that I found to be quite useful in dealing with parents and other close relatives, on any issue. I love my parents to death and want the absolute best for them, and vice versa, but I have no problem telling them to shut up when they are being ignorant, prejudiced, or just plain stupid. your parents are people and we're all like that sometimes, and realize that we never stop learning and growing no matter what age we are . I ask the same from them in return. With this underpinning my relationship with my parents is built on integrity and respect, not fear. While we have some tense moments on occasion,but freed from any kind of "fear" (offending each other, hurt feelings, etc) our relationship is much closer and we can always be perfectly frank with each other. In the long run nothing but good has come out of this approach.

 

[Ex-Dragoon]

For crying out loud!! and I thought I had seen everything on this site.   27 years old?   Don't get too upset but get some backbone because you might need it if you make it past the selection process.   Good luck.

Being a Captain with the Recruiting system I would have hoped you would have been more constructive then "get a backbone".  :

 

[pronto]

If you can't figure out how to tell Mommy and Daddums at 27 what you want to do - I suspect you may not be able to make in in the CF...

However, if you can, look upon this as an exercise in liberation - Figure out how to tell them, then tell them, and get thee to an olive-drab nunnery/recruiting centre 

Any in either case - follow Kincanuks' advice.

 

[amber78]

thanks very much for the "constructive" responses. 

most of your responses were very helpful. and it was nice to see that even though some of you think that i dont have a backbone, that the majority of people saw that what i really wanted to get from responses to my post was different ways of making this easier on my parents, not on myself.

like a few have repeated in their posts. i have made my decision. long. hard. and researched.

i just wanted different suggestions on making this easier on the two people i love and respect most in my life.

thanks to all who understood and made very helpful posts. i will be telling my parents soon and i will keep you posted on what happens.

if you have any more words of advice keep em comming.

Thanks! ;D

 

[Bruce Monkhouse]

One thing you maybe should do is start the application thing going before you say anything. Check the recruiting threads and you will see that it can be a lengthy process and/or you might not ever be called.