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Well since we have received an extension in Afghanistan, I wanted to start a post for the newbies for upcoming tours. I got this idea from another site. This was my first tour and I have learned alot and usually the hard way. So I figured I would start a thread so maybe some significant others would not have to go through what I have. Please feel free to add comments. I would like to have a perspective from deployed members as well.
1. Get a Power of Attorney. You never know if you will need it or not.
2. Make sure you yourself have a Will as well as your significant other.
3.Make sure you significant other has insurance. I believe it is only 12 a month for 400 000 through SISP. ( this may sound negative but is very important)
4. Sit down with Significant other and find out what they want to do with a funeral ect. God forbid something happens. ( This is a very tough conversation but it needs to occur)
5. Make sure that all Bills, insurance, car are in both names. This helps if something were to happen.
6. Make sure you know how everything works before tour. Like how to add oil to the car, Lawn mower ect.. Like in my case.
7. Attend all pre deployment functions. They provide some usefull information.
8. Get to know some of the spouses in your Significant others company. I find that this was helpful because they understand what you are going through.
9. If you have children, Use Deployment childcare if it is available because you will need the break.
10. If you are planning on travelling with your children, get a note from your partner giving you permission. Get one just in case. It saves alot of hassle.
11. Tell your kids the truth about the deployment. I have found that my three year old daughter understands more about this deployment then most Adults.( but this is a personal choice)
12. Attend all functions of the REAR party or MFRC. This is a great way to meet new people who are going through what you are going through.
13. Do not hesitate to contact the rear party. They are there to support the family's.
14. If you watch the news like me, Keep in mind that sometimes it is not factual and usually you will be contacted first if something were to happen to your spouse. ( Usually)
15. If you need help. ASK. Because you are not alone.
16. Do not let your kids guilt you ( like mine does) I miss my daddy she says when she wants something she is not supposed to have.
17. Read about the cycle of emotions for Deployment. Do not be surprised that you will find that you are fighting more with your spouse a couple of weeks prior to the tour. Sometimes in our mind we find it easier to say Good bye when you are mad at one another. This is all part of a cycle and you can pick up information at your local MFRC.
18. Remember the first time you say good bye. Is really hard but the separation gets easier as days pass.
19. When sending packages to your loved ones. Involve your children. It makes them feel better. In my case my daughter makes a craft everyday for her daddy and she puts a whole wack of Dora stickers on the box. He always knows which package is for him.
20. Get a video camera and tape all of your child's firsts and such. It helps make your spouse feel that they have not missed out on your child's accomplishments.
21. If you have a ZOO like me, try to go to the vet prior to deployment. It is easier to do with two sets of hands then just you. Try doing that sometime. 2 kids a dog and 3 cats to the vet. It is an experience.
22. For my kids I have placed a huge world map in their room and placed stickers on where Daddy is and where they are. I feel that this helps them understand.
23. Always try to stay positive on the phone when they call home. They have enough to worry about then hearing you having a mental breakdown.
24. Personally Hubby likes to hear the bad stuff in an email because he feels that he is still apart of everything. ( this is also a personal choice)
25. Involve your kids in all sorts of activities. It helps pass the time and they have something to look forward to.
26. Do not be surprised that you do not hear from your significant other if they are outside the wire all the time. Sometimes they can't access a sat. phone.
27. Have a list of all numbers that you may need on the fridge. Rear party, family etc.
28. Have a support group or person in place. Because sometimes you just need to vent. Like me in chat.
29. If you have questions, even if they are stupid do not be afraid to ask. I ask the most stupid questions, lots of members of this site will testify to this.
30. Try never to fight on the phone or MSN because you do not know when you will be able to talk to your spouse again. ( I stole that one from CAMO)
31. Don't sweat the small stuff. If you need to have a good cry then do it. Because it will make you feel better ( I stole that from Military Granny)
32. Just remember when they leave everything in your house will break and your kitchen will rain, your cat will die and one will run away.( in my case) But you can handle it.
33. Educate yourself on everything. One example is PTSD ( hopefully you will not have to use it)
34. Just remember you are not alone. There are other families going through the same thing you are and lean on each other.
Well that is all I can think of right now. I need some more coffee but I will post more when my brain wakes up.
1. Get a Power of Attorney. You never know if you will need it or not.
2. Make sure you yourself have a Will as well as your significant other.
3.Make sure you significant other has insurance. I believe it is only 12 a month for 400 000 through SISP. ( this may sound negative but is very important)
4. Sit down with Significant other and find out what they want to do with a funeral ect. God forbid something happens. ( This is a very tough conversation but it needs to occur)
5. Make sure that all Bills, insurance, car are in both names. This helps if something were to happen.
6. Make sure you know how everything works before tour. Like how to add oil to the car, Lawn mower ect.. Like in my case.
7. Attend all pre deployment functions. They provide some usefull information.
8. Get to know some of the spouses in your Significant others company. I find that this was helpful because they understand what you are going through.
9. If you have children, Use Deployment childcare if it is available because you will need the break.
10. If you are planning on travelling with your children, get a note from your partner giving you permission. Get one just in case. It saves alot of hassle.
11. Tell your kids the truth about the deployment. I have found that my three year old daughter understands more about this deployment then most Adults.( but this is a personal choice)
12. Attend all functions of the REAR party or MFRC. This is a great way to meet new people who are going through what you are going through.
13. Do not hesitate to contact the rear party. They are there to support the family's.
14. If you watch the news like me, Keep in mind that sometimes it is not factual and usually you will be contacted first if something were to happen to your spouse. ( Usually)
15. If you need help. ASK. Because you are not alone.
16. Do not let your kids guilt you ( like mine does) I miss my daddy she says when she wants something she is not supposed to have.
17. Read about the cycle of emotions for Deployment. Do not be surprised that you will find that you are fighting more with your spouse a couple of weeks prior to the tour. Sometimes in our mind we find it easier to say Good bye when you are mad at one another. This is all part of a cycle and you can pick up information at your local MFRC.
18. Remember the first time you say good bye. Is really hard but the separation gets easier as days pass.
19. When sending packages to your loved ones. Involve your children. It makes them feel better. In my case my daughter makes a craft everyday for her daddy and she puts a whole wack of Dora stickers on the box. He always knows which package is for him.
20. Get a video camera and tape all of your child's firsts and such. It helps make your spouse feel that they have not missed out on your child's accomplishments.
21. If you have a ZOO like me, try to go to the vet prior to deployment. It is easier to do with two sets of hands then just you. Try doing that sometime. 2 kids a dog and 3 cats to the vet. It is an experience.
22. For my kids I have placed a huge world map in their room and placed stickers on where Daddy is and where they are. I feel that this helps them understand.
23. Always try to stay positive on the phone when they call home. They have enough to worry about then hearing you having a mental breakdown.
24. Personally Hubby likes to hear the bad stuff in an email because he feels that he is still apart of everything. ( this is also a personal choice)
25. Involve your kids in all sorts of activities. It helps pass the time and they have something to look forward to.
26. Do not be surprised that you do not hear from your significant other if they are outside the wire all the time. Sometimes they can't access a sat. phone.
27. Have a list of all numbers that you may need on the fridge. Rear party, family etc.
28. Have a support group or person in place. Because sometimes you just need to vent. Like me in chat.
29. If you have questions, even if they are stupid do not be afraid to ask. I ask the most stupid questions, lots of members of this site will testify to this.
30. Try never to fight on the phone or MSN because you do not know when you will be able to talk to your spouse again. ( I stole that one from CAMO)
31. Don't sweat the small stuff. If you need to have a good cry then do it. Because it will make you feel better ( I stole that from Military Granny)
32. Just remember when they leave everything in your house will break and your kitchen will rain, your cat will die and one will run away.( in my case) But you can handle it.
33. Educate yourself on everything. One example is PTSD ( hopefully you will not have to use it)
34. Just remember you are not alone. There are other families going through the same thing you are and lean on each other.
Well that is all I can think of right now. I need some more coffee but I will post more when my brain wakes up.