C
Cog
Guest
I‘m in a bad place right now, and I need some serious advice.
I just finished my first year of University. I didn‘t do so well, but I didn‘t really want to go in the first place. However, I saw the wisdom of investing in my future. Figured I could hack for that reason, if nothing else. I took engineering, which was the only thing I thought I might be interested in. Unfortunately, Engineering is sort of the academic equivalent of the Navy SEALs. And if you‘re not committed, you don‘t get very far. And I‘m just not ready to make that commitment. It has to come from the inside, and it‘s not there.
As I grew up, the only thing I thought about was the army (and girls). While other kids were reading Othello, I had my nose in The Art of War. Death of a Salesman? Oh, that‘s nice. I just finished Five Rings, wanna talk? I was fascinated with firearms in particular. Not like other kids who were ‘Guns are cooool‘. I read the histories, the gunsmithing books, the How it Works stuff. I was also into explosives- While other kids were playing with firecrackers, I was learning the difference between RDX and C4, Semtex and ammonium nitrate. While they were stuffing firecrackers in apples, I was learning about coke-bottle charges and blasting caps. My interest in these things has always run deep, even though I could never find a reason. I did martial arts, and continually pushed my limits physically. I‘d run through the local parts, pretending I was on a combat maneouver, and I‘d try and stalk deer (very, very hard) or unknowing men and women that were out for a walk (too easy). I got very good at it, too. I was always a little appart from all the other kids, a little different. This was how I grew up, and all without my parents not knowing more than they had too...
I come from a wealthy backgroud, and my parents always frowned on my interest in weapons, camoflauge, and soldiering in general. Frowned to say the least. I was ‘high society‘ and all that, and thus expected to act the part. Study stockmarkets and whatnot. I was not to act like some wannabe-grunt. I followed their wishes for the most part, getting good marks, playing sports, and eventually going to University, where I am now. But I‘ve hit a wall. And after my first year I don‘t think this is what I‘m here to do.
I‘m in spring school right now, making up for my poor performance. And each day I get a little closer to the recruiter‘s office. But just thinking about actually doing it makes my stomach turn. The look in my parents eyes when I tell them... I‘ve always been a family favorite, marked for success. And they have always prided themselves on that fact. If they look at me like I have failed them, which is what they will believe, I think it will break me. I don‘t know what I‘m going to do.
The thing that scares me is that I‘ve been brought up in a world where money is success and happiness, and the military is not about money. I‘ve had most things given, and the military is about earning. I‘ve spent most of my time doing whatever I fancied, and the military is about disicipline. In short, the military world is a complete polar opposite to the one I live in right now. And oddly enough, I hunger for it. Yet, I‘ve been closer than most people to my family, and I know that they will not, cannot understand. Nor can I make them understand, as I‘ve tried. They see a little boy who is going to ruin his life. Their little boy. And I don‘t know what to do.
I don‘t know where else to turn. I know this is all pretty immature, and that I should just do it because it‘s my life and all that. But I‘m really close to my family, and I know what this will do to them. Especially my Mom, because her brother was in for 32 years as a peacekeeper and was an alcholic, which was pretty hard on her. And my Dad just plain won‘t understand, and will feel hurt because he will believe he failed me in some way, because I‘m in for a hard life with little in the way of material rewards, when I could easily have a life of wealth and comfort.
So I‘m asking for guidence here. This is a decision that will affect the rest of my life, even if I don‘t even finish basic. And I need advice, experiences, and help.
I Sincerely Thankyou,
Greg.
I just finished my first year of University. I didn‘t do so well, but I didn‘t really want to go in the first place. However, I saw the wisdom of investing in my future. Figured I could hack for that reason, if nothing else. I took engineering, which was the only thing I thought I might be interested in. Unfortunately, Engineering is sort of the academic equivalent of the Navy SEALs. And if you‘re not committed, you don‘t get very far. And I‘m just not ready to make that commitment. It has to come from the inside, and it‘s not there.
As I grew up, the only thing I thought about was the army (and girls). While other kids were reading Othello, I had my nose in The Art of War. Death of a Salesman? Oh, that‘s nice. I just finished Five Rings, wanna talk? I was fascinated with firearms in particular. Not like other kids who were ‘Guns are cooool‘. I read the histories, the gunsmithing books, the How it Works stuff. I was also into explosives- While other kids were playing with firecrackers, I was learning the difference between RDX and C4, Semtex and ammonium nitrate. While they were stuffing firecrackers in apples, I was learning about coke-bottle charges and blasting caps. My interest in these things has always run deep, even though I could never find a reason. I did martial arts, and continually pushed my limits physically. I‘d run through the local parts, pretending I was on a combat maneouver, and I‘d try and stalk deer (very, very hard) or unknowing men and women that were out for a walk (too easy). I got very good at it, too. I was always a little appart from all the other kids, a little different. This was how I grew up, and all without my parents not knowing more than they had too...
I come from a wealthy backgroud, and my parents always frowned on my interest in weapons, camoflauge, and soldiering in general. Frowned to say the least. I was ‘high society‘ and all that, and thus expected to act the part. Study stockmarkets and whatnot. I was not to act like some wannabe-grunt. I followed their wishes for the most part, getting good marks, playing sports, and eventually going to University, where I am now. But I‘ve hit a wall. And after my first year I don‘t think this is what I‘m here to do.
I‘m in spring school right now, making up for my poor performance. And each day I get a little closer to the recruiter‘s office. But just thinking about actually doing it makes my stomach turn. The look in my parents eyes when I tell them... I‘ve always been a family favorite, marked for success. And they have always prided themselves on that fact. If they look at me like I have failed them, which is what they will believe, I think it will break me. I don‘t know what I‘m going to do.
The thing that scares me is that I‘ve been brought up in a world where money is success and happiness, and the military is not about money. I‘ve had most things given, and the military is about earning. I‘ve spent most of my time doing whatever I fancied, and the military is about disicipline. In short, the military world is a complete polar opposite to the one I live in right now. And oddly enough, I hunger for it. Yet, I‘ve been closer than most people to my family, and I know that they will not, cannot understand. Nor can I make them understand, as I‘ve tried. They see a little boy who is going to ruin his life. Their little boy. And I don‘t know what to do.
I don‘t know where else to turn. I know this is all pretty immature, and that I should just do it because it‘s my life and all that. But I‘m really close to my family, and I know what this will do to them. Especially my Mom, because her brother was in for 32 years as a peacekeeper and was an alcholic, which was pretty hard on her. And my Dad just plain won‘t understand, and will feel hurt because he will believe he failed me in some way, because I‘m in for a hard life with little in the way of material rewards, when I could easily have a life of wealth and comfort.
So I‘m asking for guidence here. This is a decision that will affect the rest of my life, even if I don‘t even finish basic. And I need advice, experiences, and help.
I Sincerely Thankyou,
Greg.
Taken your first steps,huh!? 
