I have no experience with RAM, but in my opinion engaging from further out is better as less chance of debris from a destroyed missile hitting your own ship. A Phalanx kill is almost a guarantee your ship will take some damage, just hopefully not from the explodie/burny bits. RAM may also allow you to re-engage if you miss with the first shot, something that Phalanx does not do.
Munitions questions really are complicated. Depending on the enemy missile type RAM or Phalanx will use more or less of their own munitions to get the kill. There is probably a reason that modern ships are generally moving away from the Phalanx to the RAM.
The
secondary guns as I mentioned in the post above are probably mainly for surface warfare. I don't expect that they could/would be able to either track or fire enough ammunition at an incoming missile to do anything of consequence. Low, slow, small is likely their targets in the air warfare role.