Behind Enemy Lines- A Communist Infiltrates the Young Liberal AGM
I have been involved in a war on the streets of Montreal against the Liberal party and their proposed tuition hikes for a few months. Two weekends ago though, I found myself in the midst of a Young Liberal AGM, behind enemy lines.
Earlier in the year, a good friend of mine, running for a spot on the Young Liberal exec, proposed the idea. Come to the AGM, vote for him, see what the Liberals are all about, and then share the experience.
I was on the fence until he mentioned that there would be free booze at the expense of the Liberal Party.
I went into the weekend unsure of what to expect. On the one hand, I painted quite the romantic picture of the AGM in my head. Infiltrate the bastards, steal their alcohol, and sweep Liberal women off their feet. Fear and loathing on the Liberal trail 2012. It all seemed rather Hunter S. Thompson to me. On the other hand though, there was a good chance of it turning out to be a pure scuzz fest, capable of leaving me with only half of my hair intact, and bruised knuckles. It turned out to be somewhere in between.
~
As the first night came to a close, I stumbled into the hotel room we’d trashed, at around 2:30am, stumbling from a night of double Ballantines and coke, with a condom, a beer, and a hotel sign in my hand. The Liberals in the room momentarily paused their speech writing, and gave a few disturbed chuckles and disgusted looks.
“You bastards,” I thought. “How can you judge me after the sleeze I’ve just trekked through?”
That sleeze of course, was a night full of schmoozing conversations with Liberals. John Stanley, a long-time crony of mine, told me that the only thing Liberals like more than talking about themselves is hearing other people talk about themselves. So, here we go…
~
When you lean so far left that you can give fist bumps to Lenin, Liberals tend to not be your favourite people politically. They certainly aren’t mine. I’m not sure what I was expecting, but when I went to the Young Liberal AGM I found, well, liberals…
While I met quite a few individuals, there were many common themes which tied them all together. The first of these was what I will call, the “Black Friend”. If you’ve ever met someone blatantly racist, and call them out on it, they’ll often come back with something along the lines of, “I have a black friend (or gay friend, or girlfriend) so I can’t be racist.” For many of the Liberals, it worked the same way. They all claimed that they couldn’t not be socially progressive because of X reason.
For one drunk stuttering fool, X reason was solar panels and Aboriginal reserves. Being quite drunk myself, I’m still not sure how we stumbled into the conversation, but we had got into a heated debate on the Quebec student movement. After noticing my red square, a sign of solidarity for my comrades in Quebec, he launched into a vicious tirade, calling the movement “retarded” over and over. He was pouring sweat, and seemed quite vicious; suspiciously like a Conservative. He claimed he wasn’t though, because he would require for 200 solar panels to be built in each new suburb along with the abolishment of Aboriginal reserves…
Most of the Liberals did the same thing, with different issues, like gay marriage for example. It seemed as though they measured their progressiveness in not being as bad as the Conservatives, while always actively separating themselves from the Conservatives in a paranoid manner.
As a whole, the current X reason for the party seems to be the legalization of marijuana. But this is something I can get behind entirely, and when it eventually happens, I hope the Liberals won’t gloat about it for the following twenty years, and will instead move on to other progressive issues; even if it is one at a time.
~~
Then there was Joseph Uranowski.
He seemed like an average politico-geek to me, but amongst the Liberals he was described as a “Twitter God.” And to give him credit, when he referred to letter writing as an example of direct action to be admired, I knew without a doubt that he was a Liberal. I had a decently interesting conversation with him, yet one particular thing he said has been in the back of my mind since. “When it comes to women and gay rights, I’m 100% left.”
What was 100% left supposed to imply here? Progressive? That would make sense to me, but as a Liberal that would undercut most of his policies. Was it supposed to mean utopian? Dreamer? There’s nothing unrealistic about rights for oppressed groups. If he could see why it would make sense to be 100% left on those issues, why not for all others? Either way, I strongly doubt he’s 100% left on these issues. How could you be, without a critique of capitalism, which is inherently sexist and homophobic…
~
Another person who is probably a little less left than he thinks is Fernando Melo. As one of the only people I talked to who knew a decent amount about the student movement in Quebec, our conversation was a refreshing one. In fact, I found myself agreeing with him on quite a few things. That is, until the liberal hammer came down. He told me that he too was a Marxist, but a pragmatic one. I asked him what this meant, and he told me that he saw joining the Liberal party as the most realistic way to act upon Marx’s critique of capitalism.
A part of me died inside.
Despite this though, he was a good indicator of the second main trend I identified amongst the Liberals, which was what they labelled as realism, or essentially economic conservatism. Most of the Liberals had a fetish for responsible fiscal spending. I think this pseudo responsibility is what lead most of the Liberals I talked to to their opposition of the Quebec student movement, and their unquestioned support of capitalism and neo-liberalism. Nothing exciting to see here folks, move on, these Liberals aren’t much different from their ancestors.
~~
After finally stumbling out of bed the next day, climbing over the clothes and shoes sprawled on the floor, throwing on a clean shirt, and re-attaching my red felt patch, I headed out for more Liberals. The main event on the Saturday was a series of speeches and debates from the candidates. I was expecting an all out thrashing, some tears, and a lot of scandal. Instead, I got a couple hours of mind numbing recited bullshit, on the most part. There were a couple things that stood out though.
The first was when the OYL United candidate for Student Director, Clare Graham, took a pot shot at Jonathan Crombie, accusing him of relying on his family to make it in the Liberal party. The looks on the faces of the Liberals were priceless. She provided the only real source of entertainment, but I knew she would pay for it. Crombie delivered a far better speech, and it was clear that she would be stomped when it came to voting. She was.
The other incident which managed to break me out of my daze was a creepy speech by Jules Varshavska. It was like that drunk weird person hitting on you all night at a club. I was repulsed at first, but as the speech wore on, I grew intoxicated, judgement went down, and when she mentioned showing off her Liberal tattoo that night, I was awake.
Maybe she’d be as liberal and scandalous as the Liberal party.
~
As 9pm rolled around, with voting done, I decided to get the hell out of Mississauga and head to downtown Toronto. Feeling a little gross after 2 days of political schmoozing, I decided to clean up by getting into a 12 hour night club bender with Toronto’s sketchiest. Sometime around 1pm on Sunday, just after leaving the club, my phone vibrated, telling me that my friend had won. And by quite a large margin too. I was extremely happy for him. Two years ago, he had run a campaign to become co-prez at our highschool, and now, he was elected to a position in the Youth Liberal party.
Despite this though, the weekend didn’t change much in my end of the court. Parliamentary democracy is still not for me, the Liberal party turned out to be what I thought they were, and I had an intense craving to get back to direct action in the streets of Montreal. But, whooping it up with the Liberals did make for some good material. See you guys at Summer Fling?
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Tags: 2012, agm, hunter s thompson, joseph, Liberal, OYL, Politics, renew, united, uranowski, young
About the Author
Davide Giuseppe Mastracci
contributor
Davide Mastracci is originally from Cambridge, Ontario, but now lives in the moment. He studies at McGill University in Montreal, working towards an impressive sounding BA degree which will probably land him a job at Starbucks. He enjoys making his thoughts public in the written form, and currently does so as a columnist for the McGill Daily. Stroke his ego at davide.mastracci@mail.mcgill.ca.