A little help. (personal, no jokes)

[camochick]

Ok, this is going to totally sound insensitive and I'm sure I will get tons of backlash for it but I'm going to say it anyhow. You're 23, you're an adult, just join if you want to. I don't see why this is such a big issue. If your parents don't agree then that is their issue not yours. They will have to get over it or else risk not having a relationship with you. It seems to me that you are maybe afraid to join and go out on your own. It's time to cut the apron strings, you're 23, just join if thats what you really want. If you keep doing what your parents want you to you'll never get anywhere in life, and you will wake up in 20 years not ever having been independant. It's time to crap or get off the pot. >

 

[Huggy]

Ok, this is going to totally sound insensitive and I'm sure I will get tons of backlash for it but I'm going to say it anyhow. You're 23, you're an adult, just join if you want to. I don't see why this is such a big issue. If your parents don't agree then that is their issue not yours. They will have to get over it or else risk not having a relationship with you. It seems to me that you are maybe afraid to join and go out on your own. It's time to cut the apron strings, you're 23, just join if thats what you really want. If you keep doing what your parents want you to you'll never get anywhere in life, and you will wake up in 20 years not ever having been independant. It's time to crap or get off the pot. >

No Backlach here Camochick. You are Right but keep in mind I'm afraid of being out on my own. heck I embrace it. For me the choice is simple enlist me now. Trying to get the old man to come to terms that in my current conduction am not happy with the direction of MY life and that it is MY life, not his is not easy. I would perfur to rock the boat and try not to tip it. I figure that there is got to be a way, to deal with a difficult man and not give him a heart attack.

 

[McG]

should I maybe retype a shorter letter that is more to the point and less historic

I would suggest you talk a little more about the future so that they can feel comfortable knowing that you've thought this through (and that it is not just a reaction to your past).  However, with out knowing your parents, I cannot tell you what they need to be told.  I can comment on form.   While that may seem cold in light of the thread, I think it will improve the reception of your letter.

1) Use more paragraphs.   Your letter is large and may contain information that your parents will find overwhelming.   Don't make it look overwhelming in shear bulk of words.   Your first two and last paragraphs are okay.   Make the other paragraph into many, and reorganize them so that each deals with a specific argument or theme.  Consider these themes:

• Lack of Academic Success
• Desire to start your life
• Desire not to disappoint your parents
• Where you want the military to take you

2) Use an introduction like would have been expected in high school.   You do state right from the start that you have decided to join the CF.   That is good.   Include a summary of the arguments (or the themes) that will follow.   It might help your parents see where you are going with each argument as you make it.  

3) Use MS word and use its spell check and grammar check features.

As I said, these comments may be cold but will improve the reception of your letter (if that is the choice you take in the end).  I will reinforce the suggestion that you speak to your parents yourself.  Your letter may not have answers to all the questions they will want to ask.  You will.

 

[camochick]

I say throw the letter out, go do your testing, and when you get in, tell them that this is your choice, like it or not they are going to have to accept it or risk alienating you. You  will kick yourself in the arse for the rest of your life if you dont do what you want to do. MY parents havent always approved of my choices but I am an adult therefore they are my choices to make. I guess my appoach to this would be too bad mom and dad I'm doing what I want cause I am old enough to make my own decisions. THen again I have always been independant and I came from a household where my parents basically let me do what I want as long as I wasnt getting into trouble. I have always lived by just doing what I feel is right for me. Just do it, stop talking about it, stop stressing and just do it, life is way too short. >

 

[BDTyre]

camochick,

Your parents sound much like mine.   I think my mistake was bringing up the topic around the time the Iraq war started.   I always have this excellent sense of timing. ;D

I think my parents just don't want to see me grow up.  When I announced my plans to marry, they didn't seem to take it seriously at first.  Its a unique family situation, considering my sister, despite being older, seemingly won't grow up no matter how hard they try.

My father is still under the impressions that very little physical fitness is required to join the reserves.   The son of one of his acquaintances is in the reserves, (a support position, I believe he is in logistics) and attempted to join the regs.   He failed his fitness test for entry to the regs and didn't get in.   I mentioned that everyone went through the same process, and my father was under the impression that you could basically walk into a recruiting centre and walk out a member of the reserves.

I didn't bother to correct him; let him be impressed when I tell him the recruiting process.

 

[sirex]

This is going to make me seem like a baby :crybaby: BUT.

What I have is a messy situation to which I'm not sure how to deal with, I know that personly I would like to enlist in the army but all things given there is more to it.

I have writen a 3 page typed letter to my parents to which I have gone over 50 times and redone it 5 times. It outlines my situation as I see it, and explaines my hart felt feels in what I'm going through. I was going to ask people here to give me their input on the letter by posting it.
Where would this be posted?  (personal stories, or add it onto this one)

dude, I dont know... that letter is powerful. i dont know if youve showed them yet, but maybe you should try and enlist first and see if you can make it in..

what do you do if you dont makei it?


Aslo, I thought i might say I feel as if I am in a similar situation. Trying to get into university right now. I am a nervous/worried wreck and i too am on my extra year of high school.  I think you should enlist first, see if u can get in as to not devastate your self more..

becase hoesntly, if i poured my heart into something like that and then tried to make it, and didn't I dont know what I would do.. and last hting you need to do to your self is getting in your car and doing something stupid over at that brinde/ guard rail you were talking about it...


anywaey man just be careful, try your best, and good luck. dont do something you might regret.

 

[HollywoodHitman]

At the end of the day, you've gotten some great input from people with alot of experiences of their own, time in and from all sorts of backgrounds. As I mentioned in my previous post, it's time to cut the cord and do it. Make a decision. Either way live with the consequences. Your parents may not be happy with you, or the may be extatic. Surely they will, as all parents do, reluctantly let their child make a decision and wait to see how it turns out. It's life. They will unlikely disown you, shun you or stop loving you for trying something new.

You cannot stand at the door of the aircraft much longer without someone booting you out the door. Get some stones and DO IT. You cannot second guess yourself each and every time you are presented with a choice to make, in life or in the CF. If you do, you're a noodle and probably lack the intestinal fortitude and self confidence we're looking for in the military today. I don't want to be in a trench somewhere while the communist hordes are pouring over the hill somewhere while you, my fireteam partner decides whether he wants to be there or not...........

You seem like a good kid. Concerned for his family and whatnot. Time to make a decision Son, and live with the consequences. I think once you finally commit yourself to your decision, you will find some inner peace and you'll probably feel a little better looking yourself in the mirror when you shave in the morning.

Best of luck to you.

 

[Huggy]

Well.... The out come to all this is as follows.

The letter is being revised, to include MCG's suggestions, where it will include a better (positive) look on military life, for my dads benefit. I shall also lay out my intentions from start to finish. I don't plan on quitting school, since (thanks to all of you) I have heard that enlisting is nothing more then a waiting game, this I never knew. I will continue to ask questions, look for new information and work on my physical fitness to better myself, and I will be here to help other in making decision and pass any knowledge on that I have found here and in my walk of life. 

Thanks to you all for passing some of your knowledge in my direction and helping me in my time of uncertainty.

Yes I know Camochick, cut the strings.  ;D     

 

[Huggy]

Well what I have done, is cut that 4 page letter in half using every ones advice. I will post it below and please give you $0.02. 
Keep in mind if I can get away with it I was planning on doing the testing and getting my trade list before handing this to the parents. I would like to know if I can get in a electrical spot before I capsize the family boat.

Does any one know the number that I left blank in RED??

Dear Mom and Dad,


I'm sorry that I had to write this in a letter, but I didn't know how to sit down and tell you and I am worried about both of you over reacting.  First off let me say that, I love you both and that you both are great parents. I have come to a decision in my life that is a huge step and that I know is not something to take lightly, also please read the remainder of the letter since I cover a lot of detailed information on why I finally arrived to the decision of wanting to enlist in the Canadian Forces particularly in the Army as a Electrical Distribution Tech.
I know that both of you have a lot of issues shrouding the Military life and the Army in generally so I compiled some information in different areas. A lot of this information can be supported from data sheets that the military makes available, also from talking to people at the recruitment office as well as talking to people that have been through it and some that are going through it. I have taking the time to do my research and have been thinking of this since high school so I am prepared for what can be ahead. 
Off the bat I what to make perfectly clear that a lot of the process of joining the military is a waiting game so I don't intend to quite college, unless I have to, from some unfortunate events or unreasonable people.  I do realize dad that your dream for me was following in your footstep, working at Dofasco as an Electrician, this was never my dream. I would like to become an electrician but I would like to take my own path and make my own footprints, which the military allows me to do.
I hope the following will answer some of questions and put to easy some of your concerns. I would image that both for have issues over subjects such as money, life style, obligations, training, and life after the military. When it comes to the kind of wage I would make being in the military, I have a sheet that outlines all salaries. The pay scale is in accordance to the rank and occupation held by the individual, so as one progresses through the ranks over time so does your salary. When you first start and are sent to off to basic training you are making approximately $------ . I do realize that this is not a lot but you also have a lot of your expenses paid for and all so have full medical and dental plans which take care of a big portion of expenses. When it comes to life style, there is a big switch, which would take a little time for any one to get use to. They start you for every day at 5:00am, which covers getting dressed, inspection from your drill sergeant and breakfast. Then from 5:30am till about 6:00pm is all training which covers a lot of physical demanding work as well as class room setting lectures and field practice in topic like: services knowledge, first aid, small arms handing, map reading, safety and survival in the field, upkeep of quarters and personal appearance. For any concerns over obligations I found the biggest myth is once you enlist you are there for life, this is in no way the case. Enlisting in the regular forces does not obligate you in any way to stay. The training that I would receive in the military is considered to be some of the best and I would be on my way to becoming a qualify electrician once past basic training. There really should not be any concerns about what happens after the military. There is a lot of opportunity to excel in the Canadian Forces and better ones self. All this stuff are things that I look forward to and embrace.
      I would imagine that this comes as quite a shock to you but this is something that I feel need to be done. Mohawk is not working out and I will be overwhelmed with joy when I'm out of that place. My decision to inform you of this didn't come easy, I was planning on going through the process, doing all the testing and signing all the papers without telling you until I got a shipping out date. After talking to a lot of people about their experiences in the same madder I was told that my best action was to inform you of my intentions and if you were not on board with me, that was just to bad. 
      You might be asking yourself why I just out of blue I bring this up. For me there is a long history behind it, which I would be more then happy to tell you about, but all things given I just felt like my life is lacking a lot of direction, also that college is not giving me any of the skills that I feel are need to be productive in any walk of life and that certain events in my life have lead me up to this decision such as taking 3 years to do a 2-year course which never amounted to anything, being 23 and not having a girlfriend at any point in my life a lot of that was due to school, being 23 and still being supported by my parents which I am extremely grateful for. Dad you did not make this decision easy for me in any way just from my point of view I was never really given much of a choice. Every day after I graduated my Networking and Hardware, dad you brought the subject up of becoming an electrician, and tried explaining to me how it would be in my best interest always saying to me â Å“Why not go back to school and take something in the trades, you'll always have workâ ? you were always so eager to introduce me as your son who is going to Mohawk studying to be an electrician like his dad, said with a smile only to turn around and explain to people that your still working because you still have a kid in school. I'm not only your hopeful electrician but also your unfortunate excuse for not living your life. 41 years working, you have more then paying your dues, but your not living a life and that my fault, to which I am sorry.
        With all my thoughts and feelings laid out I hope you can understand where I am coming from and I hope I have your support in this endeavor but if not I am sorry but this is my decision and in the end my life, to which I don't want to interfere with yours.


Always with love your son
Darrell       

 

[JBP]

The area in red, is about $2000.00 a month, minus some taxes etc etc and room and board. Until your trained in your respective MOC, then your pay goes up I believe because you'll have some "Spec pay" due to your MOC... Don't quote me on that though, I'm too new to know anything positive except for Basic as a private it's about $2000.00 a month minus some stuff...

[Edited for bad information.  Most trades do not recieve Spec Pay.]

 

[DM]

What parent wouldn't be proud of a son that was taking charge of his life and committing to work hard in his chosen career and cared enough that he wrote such an honest letter to them? Follow your dream!