Mom says daughter should get slain soldier's medal

[GAP]

Mom says daughter should get slain soldier's medal
Updated Fri. Aug. 14 2009 6:53 AM ET The Canadian Press
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OTTAWA -- Annabelle Hamilton is four years old.

Under the best circumstances, when she grows up she will have only grainy memories of her father, Cpl. Thomas Hamilton, who was killed by a roadside bomb in Kandahar last December.

That Annabelle doesn't forget her dad -- and why he volunteered to fight in Afghanistan -- is vitally important to her mother, Heather Peace.

That's why Peace is pushing for children to automatically receive the Memorial Crosses awarded to their slain fathers or mothers -- or at least some other honour.

In this case, the tragedy of losing a parent is compounded by the fact the New Brunswick girl is a child of divorce and has been diagnosed with autism.
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[helpup]

It is automatic,,,,,,,,,,, if that child is put down as the recipient for it.  There is space for 5 (I think) it is up to a soldier to designate to whom.  I can see in the case of a large family running into problems. However there is range and scope in the system for flexiability.  Bottom line if a soldier does not identify properly or accurately it can, has and will lead to "headlines" about people being left out as the "army " does not care about those who lost someone.

 

[Bzzliteyr]

I'm sorry, but how does autism play into this situation at all aside from trying to pull harder on our heartstrings?

Hindsight is 20/20.  It's unfortunate that he didn't designate his daughter as a Memorial Cross recipient.  In the military's (DHH) eyes "Annabelle Hamilton" is a name.  I can't remember if age or lien is designated on the sheet but that's all it is when they process, a name.  And if that name is not on the list, it's not getting a medal.  They don't try to be robotic nor do they do a full family history.  I imagine they take the form and pump out X number of medals to delivered.

Soon enough, if we keep changing the standards for the cross (which used to go to the mother's only) it will dpreciate from its value.  In the same vein as all the commendations that are handed out to people who simply do their jobs as they are supposed to and get nominated.  Kind of detracts from those people who get the same award for diving into a river to rescue a car crash victim.

I am not trying to be insensitve, just realist.

I just re-read the article.  He designated gf's mom.  Might she be willing to give hers to the daughter?  Are the crosses individualized like the CD?  I don't know the family history but if mom "in law" wasn't super close might that not be a solution?

 

[gcclarke]

I could possibly see giving some lee-way if the date on the paperwork designating the recipients was prior to the birth of his daughter. In that case, it seems quite possible that this was merely an oversight on his part, and he would have liked to either leave one to the daughter, the daughter's mother, or both.

How likely is this? Is a review of that particular form a regular part of pre-deployment administration?

 

[mariomike]

There is space for 5 (I think) it is up to a soldier to designate to whom. 

"Each CF member will provide a list of up to three names"
http://www.dnd.ca/site/news-nouvelles/view-news-afficher-nouvelles-eng.asp?id=2158

 

[helpup]

This is where it falls on the soldiers to ensure they keep the forms updated.  You can while deployed add and remove as required for recipients.  It also helps if you let your family know who was chosen and that invariably means you should let it be know why someone was not choosen.  By not doing it your setting the Army up for people pointing out how insensitive we are for not doing this.

As was pointed out this medal was originaly for the mother of the deceased and that was it.  Only recently has it increased to ( I stand corrected, as I said I thought it was 5 ) 3 allowable members. To allow Wife, GF Child ect.  There is no age restriction for this nor does it have to be someone in your family.  The stink is comming from members not putting down people or giving it any thought ( hey we are all indistructable) And further by not informing the family about your choises.  This also happens when it comes to funeral arrangments.  Too many Spouses/ family's are saddled with not knowing or assuming they know what they wishes would be and getting bent out of shape if that does not match what the Army has on paper from the individual as to what thier wishes are. 

 

[FDO]

Correct me if I'm wrong, but anytime I've deployed I have had to complete my DAG form. It has made sure, amoung the other things, that my PERs file was up to date. As well as that, every year here I have had an RMS Clerk call me in to her office and go through my file to make sure my NOC is up to date and my MPRR is correct etc. Both of these have included my request for Memorial Cross. The form has 3 spots. My wife, mother and daughter are on mine. Tragic as this case is, we all need to take ownership of our own files and if there is a change we need to make sure it gets made.

 

[dapaterson]

How likely is this? Is a review of that particular form a regular part of pre-deployment administration?

Yes, it's part of the annual review and part of the pre-deployment review.

He had multiple occasions to choose to give an MC to his daughter.  He chose not to.

 

[CountDC]

I'm sorry, but how does autism play into this situation at all aside from trying to pull harder on our heartstrings?

Exactly and as a father of an autistic daughter it po's me when they do that.

Another case where the military looks bad for the choice of a member.

 

[mariomike]

As was pointed out this medal was originaly for the mother of the deceased and that was it. 

My grandmother had one. I've seen a lot of medals, but to me, that little cross on a mother had a very profound effect. I used to see them a lot in church. It was not uncommon to go into the homes of older women and see one draped over an 8 x 11 framed studio photo of a young man in uniform. You always knew what it meant. About ten years ago, surviving Silver Cross mothers were becoming very rare.

 

[Michael OLeary]

Soon enough, if we keep changing the standards for the cross (which used to go to the mother's only)...

No, there used to be one or two (or no) Memorial Crosses issued.

One went to the mother of the soldier, if she was still alive.
A second sent to the soldier's wife, if he was married.

So, the original crosses could see one, two, or no crosses issued to family.

 

[Bzzliteyr]

I stand corrected.

 

[PMedMoe]

Well, she wrote to Defense Minister Peter MacKay and his reply was that the military had to honour Hamilton's wishes.  But she's not giving up.

Apparently, he had all three recipients filled out.  Two went to his parents and one to the mother of the woman he was dating.

Ottawa Citizen Article Link

Weird that the print version of the article in Saturday's paper is different than the on-line version.  ???

 

[Larkvall]

Why doesn't she just ask his parents to leave the medal to her daughter in one of their wills?

 

[PMedMoe]

Why doesn't she just ask his parents to leave the medal to her daughter in one of their wills?

The quote under the girl's picture in the article states:

Her mother wants Ottawa to create a special medal for the children of fallen soldiers.

Also, there's the possibility she's not on speaking terms with his parents.

 

[mariomike]

"Her mother wants Ottawa to create a special medal for the children of fallen soldiers."

That sounds like a very kind hearted idea.
I recall reading that Audie Murphy gave away his medals to the children of the men he fought with who did not make it home.

 

[Michael OLeary]

"Her mother wants Ottawa to create a special medal for the children of fallen soldiers."

That sounds like a very kind hearted idea.
I recall reading that Audie Murphy gave away his medals to the children of the men he fought with who did not make it home.

We've already expanded the original concept of the Memorial Cross to three crosses to be presented to any three people the soldier identifies (no longer just wive and mother).  Kind-hearted idea or not, where do you draw the line after creating a "special medal for the children"?  Should parents get a different medal than wives and girlfriends?  How about siblings?  Sadly, it's a slippery slope and there will always be someone just on the other side of the line as they perceive it.

 

[CountDC]

why don't we just save the hassle and give everyone in Canada a medal. 

Oops - probably won't work because someone will come out with - his 15th cousin in italy, France, Germany etc should get one too.

Might as well face it - no matter what gets done the military just can't win - we always look back.

 

[Bzzliteyr]

I'm good friends with my mailman...maybe he can have one as well?

That's what I was alluding to in my post.  The "value" of the medal will be diminished everytime "someone else" gets one.

 

[Michael OLeary]

Wait for the next emotional hurdle, when some Legion branch is looking for a "Silver Cross Mother" for a Remembrance Day service, and they can find none ... but someone's brother stands up holding the Memorial Cross he received when his sibling died overseas and asks "what about me, aren't I eligible to do that duty now?"