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Hello folks, I'm really not sure if anyone can offer any insight or help with this, but I'm so bloody torn I have no idea what to do and it'll be life-changing one way or the other!
So I'm slated to go Reg Force in March (not official yet, but they adv me 90% chance before end of the fiscal year)... And I just met up with an ex girlfriend... Most people would say oh, big deal...
Ahem...
I grew up with this girl, we grew up together through a very bad childhood (both sets of parents split up, didn't care and were substance abusers) so rough childhood to say the least... Lost contact with her when she was about 8-9yrs old... Met back up when she was 14 years old! ... Let's just say, things between us took off like an explosion at that point. 1 major problem - I was older - and quite a bit I might add... She was 14, I was 18... That's bad, yes I know... Her foster parents at the time threatened to charge me once they found out we were 'dating'... Good thing they had no idea about anything else or they would have!!! So we were split apart, and only allowed to talk on the phone. We made a vow to wait until she was 16 and then get her out of there and be together... I followed through and stayed single the entire time, didn't even glance at another woman, that's how head-over-heels I was for this girl... She called me on her 16th Bday, but shortly just before that, by about 4-5 months, I'd met a girl who struck my hear almost as hard and began dating her. She was older, had a job and all this other crap I thought was important and ignored my heart... So I sort of rejected the one I was waiting for...
As this new relationship developed, I turned down an offer for Reg Force infantry... (DAH ME!)... 4.5 years goes by, I became engaged to this girl, then suddenly she broke it all off March 2006. It was for the better, for both of us, because really, we were going to 'settle' with eachother, and that just isn't right... I immediately began a search for the original girl who still really had my heart... It took almost a year, but this past weekend (The 17th) I found her (THANK FACEBOOK!!!!)... As soon as we started talking that night around 2am, within a little while, I was out the door, blazing my way up the QEW to Hamilton to go her house! I could not wait, not 1 second longer... And when I got to her house, as soon as I laid eyes on her, it was if time stopped, and I was 18 again, and all those old feelings and emotions came back stronger than I could have ever imagined, how crazy is that?!?...
So we spent the night together, talking, cuddling, sharing our lives over the past couple years and all that until 8am, went for lunch the next day and then I got home by 5pm on Sunday... My entire head was in a whirlwind and I was on Cloud 1000000 basically... Later that night she calls and asks if I want company... WELL HELL YEAH! So she drove to my place down in Niagara, and we spent the night together... Talking about a lot... A whole damn lot... The future and all that. The girl just broke up with her boyfriend of the past year yesterday, and right now she doesn't want to just JUMP into this. I left her before, I left her to a rough life, living on her own at 16 and I didn't look back... She wants time, time to get to know eachother, see if this could really work. And I applaud her, she's grown to become a beautiful and very intelligent young woman... My emotions were so strong I don't think there was much my mind about waiting for anything! ... But I'm suppose to go to Reg Force in March. That leaves very, very little time to foster this relationship and check things out. She even invited me to move in with her around May if things go well............................................................
I've never, ever felt this way about a woman before, it's a very unique relationship we have had over the years and I already made 1 big fault with that... I fear that if I turn her away this time, I will never get another chance, it just will not happen. And I don't know if I can live with the idea that I'm giving up the only woman in my life to light my emotions up like a bon-fire! I'm hoping that with the time I do have, I can help her see there is a way, and that with weekends off and holidays etc etc, we can be together while I'm in, and training...
She asked me on Sunday night, "So is this it? Your going into the army and that's it, it's final?"... I told her that no, I actually didn't sign the papers yet, but it's what I've wanted to do my entire life... She understands, but was quite upset about it all... I think I hurt her a little bit that night, and then that day she brokeup with her boyfriend. So tonight I sent her 6 roses, for each Valentines' Day I missed over the years including this one...
Any suggestions on how I can keep the love of my life and the career I've longed for so long? Or how not to go out of my mind when I have to leave her behind, or not giveup my career over this?
Joe
~ Completely Torn in Two! ~
So I'm slated to go Reg Force in March (not official yet, but they adv me 90% chance before end of the fiscal year)... And I just met up with an ex girlfriend... Most people would say oh, big deal...
Ahem...
I grew up with this girl, we grew up together through a very bad childhood (both sets of parents split up, didn't care and were substance abusers) so rough childhood to say the least... Lost contact with her when she was about 8-9yrs old... Met back up when she was 14 years old! ... Let's just say, things between us took off like an explosion at that point. 1 major problem - I was older - and quite a bit I might add... She was 14, I was 18... That's bad, yes I know... Her foster parents at the time threatened to charge me once they found out we were 'dating'... Good thing they had no idea about anything else or they would have!!! So we were split apart, and only allowed to talk on the phone. We made a vow to wait until she was 16 and then get her out of there and be together... I followed through and stayed single the entire time, didn't even glance at another woman, that's how head-over-heels I was for this girl... She called me on her 16th Bday, but shortly just before that, by about 4-5 months, I'd met a girl who struck my hear almost as hard and began dating her. She was older, had a job and all this other crap I thought was important and ignored my heart... So I sort of rejected the one I was waiting for...
As this new relationship developed, I turned down an offer for Reg Force infantry... (DAH ME!)... 4.5 years goes by, I became engaged to this girl, then suddenly she broke it all off March 2006. It was for the better, for both of us, because really, we were going to 'settle' with eachother, and that just isn't right... I immediately began a search for the original girl who still really had my heart... It took almost a year, but this past weekend (The 17th) I found her (THANK FACEBOOK!!!!)... As soon as we started talking that night around 2am, within a little while, I was out the door, blazing my way up the QEW to Hamilton to go her house! I could not wait, not 1 second longer... And when I got to her house, as soon as I laid eyes on her, it was if time stopped, and I was 18 again, and all those old feelings and emotions came back stronger than I could have ever imagined, how crazy is that?!?...
So we spent the night together, talking, cuddling, sharing our lives over the past couple years and all that until 8am, went for lunch the next day and then I got home by 5pm on Sunday... My entire head was in a whirlwind and I was on Cloud 1000000 basically... Later that night she calls and asks if I want company... WELL HELL YEAH! So she drove to my place down in Niagara, and we spent the night together... Talking about a lot... A whole damn lot... The future and all that. The girl just broke up with her boyfriend of the past year yesterday, and right now she doesn't want to just JUMP into this. I left her before, I left her to a rough life, living on her own at 16 and I didn't look back... She wants time, time to get to know eachother, see if this could really work. And I applaud her, she's grown to become a beautiful and very intelligent young woman... My emotions were so strong I don't think there was much my mind about waiting for anything! ... But I'm suppose to go to Reg Force in March. That leaves very, very little time to foster this relationship and check things out. She even invited me to move in with her around May if things go well............................................................
I've never, ever felt this way about a woman before, it's a very unique relationship we have had over the years and I already made 1 big fault with that... I fear that if I turn her away this time, I will never get another chance, it just will not happen. And I don't know if I can live with the idea that I'm giving up the only woman in my life to light my emotions up like a bon-fire! I'm hoping that with the time I do have, I can help her see there is a way, and that with weekends off and holidays etc etc, we can be together while I'm in, and training...
She asked me on Sunday night, "So is this it? Your going into the army and that's it, it's final?"... I told her that no, I actually didn't sign the papers yet, but it's what I've wanted to do my entire life... She understands, but was quite upset about it all... I think I hurt her a little bit that night, and then that day she brokeup with her boyfriend. So tonight I sent her 6 roses, for each Valentines' Day I missed over the years including this one...
Any suggestions on how I can keep the love of my life and the career I've longed for so long? Or how not to go out of my mind when I have to leave her behind, or not giveup my career over this?
Joe
~ Completely Torn in Two! ~