Author Topic: More and more funnies.. vol: something...  (Read 542810 times)

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Offline jollyjacktar

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #1775 on: July 01, 2017, 12:50:52 »
I have not looked at that until now, that's cool.

Offline Loachman

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #1776 on: July 02, 2017, 00:20:01 »
Not a joke/cartoon, but a WTF?......  "Strandbeests" -- wind-powered 'walking machines'

I'm sorry, but your sarcasm is just too subtle for me this time, and I can't figure out who/what you're mocking.

Offline recceguy

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #1777 on: July 02, 2017, 01:24:40 »
Must be pretty light. I don't see any tracks in the sand or ripples when it crosses the water.
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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #1778 on: July 10, 2017, 09:23:57 »
The Chauffeur
 
A young man with his pants hanging half off his ***, two gold front teeth and a half inch thick gold chain around his neck walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.   
           
He marched up to the counter and said, "Hi.  You know, I just hate drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job.  I don't like taking advantage of the system, getting something for nothing."     
           
The social worker behind the counter said, "your timing is excellent.  We Just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter.  You will have to drive her around in his 2017 Mercedes-Benz SEL, and he will supply your clothes." 
           
 "Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas travels.

This is rather awkward to say but you will also have, as part of your job, the assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive." 
           
The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, "you're bullshittin' me!" 
         
The social worker said, "yeah, well you started it."
       


 
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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #1779 on: July 15, 2017, 10:19:49 »
The wedding .....

A father texts his son:
"My Dear Son,

Today is a day you will treasure for all the days of your life.
My best love and good wishes.
Your Father."
 
His Son texts back:

"Thanks Dad. But the wedding isn't actually until tomorrow!"
 
His Father replies:
"I know."
Never Congratulate Yourself In Victory, Nor Blame Your Horses In Defeat - Old Cossack Expression

Editor, The Devils' Blast, the Annual Chronicle of The Royal Winnipeg Rifles

http://www.royalwinnipegrifles.com/regimental-association/the-devils-blast/

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #1780 on: July 18, 2017, 12:14:33 »
Lacking the basic understanding of how railroads work
Never Congratulate Yourself In Victory, Nor Blame Your Horses In Defeat - Old Cossack Expression

Editor, The Devils' Blast, the Annual Chronicle of The Royal Winnipeg Rifles

http://www.royalwinnipegrifles.com/regimental-association/the-devils-blast/

Offline milnews.ca

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #1781 on: July 27, 2017, 07:16:18 »
One hopes it's not going to be like this ...
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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #1782 on: August 03, 2017, 16:11:44 »
THE FIDELITY TEST

I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year. So we decided to get married.

There was only one little thing bothering me, It was her beautiful younger sister, Sofia.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight mini skirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me. I always got more than a nice view.

It had to be deliberate. She never did it around anyone else.

One day she called me and asked me to come over. 'To check my Sister's wedding- invitations' she said.

She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me. She couldn't overcome them anymore.

She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married. She said "Before you commit your life to my sister".

Well, I was in total shock, and I couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom" she said, "if you want one last wild fling, just come up and have me".

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs.

I stood there for a moment. Then turned and made a bee-line straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

Lo and behold, my fiancé's entire family was standing outside, all clapping and cheering!

With tears in his eyes, my future father-in-law hugged me. He said, 'Frankie, we are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family my son.'

And the moral of this story is:

          Always keep your condoms in your car.
Never Congratulate Yourself In Victory, Nor Blame Your Horses In Defeat - Old Cossack Expression

Editor, The Devils' Blast, the Annual Chronicle of The Royal Winnipeg Rifles

http://www.royalwinnipegrifles.com/regimental-association/the-devils-blast/

Offline Dimsum

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #1783 on: August 05, 2017, 14:59:13 »
$10 says the armadillo went back to his Fortress of Solitude. 

Quote
Texas man shoots armadillo, bullet ricochets back into his face

Animal's status unknown because authorities were unable to find it

http://www.cbc.ca/news/world/texas-man-shoots-armadillo-bullet-ricochets-back-into-his-face-1.3176390
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Reply:  "If."

Offline George Wallace

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Re: More and more funnies.. vol: something...
« Reply #1785 on: Yesterday at 09:54:45 »
Could work for CSE folks too, no? (source)
“The risk of insult is the price of clarity.” -- Roy H. Williams

The words I share here are my own, not those of anyone else or anybody I may be affiliated with.

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